Things that will make me burn your Kruschun fiction book/movie

I’m including movies and TV shows in this because not even good acting and directing can save anything from piss poor writing. Just ask Hayden Christensen. There are movies that were made with no budget at all that are better than some of the Krustchun crap I’ve seen.

The Kruschun burk prologue

I don’t mean the actual prologue

“Hi! This is a ministry tool meant to replace the latest fad genre at the moment! Please give it to someone that needs to be preached at blah blah blah fart fart fart read my buk I’m better than everyone else”

The best way to guarantee I won’t get past the first page.

You are using the wrong medium for your message

You’re not a writer, you’re a preacher. Stay on the pulpit, that’s where you belong. Stay where Gods gifts put you.

Normally I would tell everyone to write, even if they don’t intend to sell books or anything. Sometimes writing is just good for the soul.

But some of you preachers might want to stay in your lane. Some of these appalling writers even admitted they could barely write, but they only wrote to preach. Thus they possibly made no attempt to develop their writing craft and instead relied on their preaching and God to carry their message. Yeh, writing doesn’t work that way. And God would rather you actually practice writing before you try to put anything out there. You do actually have to do things yourself, you know. It’s not Gods job to hold your hand and do everything for you.

If you’re too lazy to develop your craft, stay on the pulpit and pay someone else to do the writing for you.

You spend your entire writing career chasing trends

When you jump on the latest oversaturated genre bandwagon, just to ride its coattails to get your message out there, it shows.

When you sacrifice writing to ‘replace’ all the latest ‘demonic’ YA genres, it really really shows.

My advice: Write. Write the genre you want to write in. Yes, you can chase the popular if you want to. But at the end of the day, the only stories you should be writing are the ones you want to write, not the ones you are just chucking out to jump on the bandwagon.

You’ve never spoken to anyone 10 years younger than you before

Teenagers and young adults speak a whole different language. In your book, they’re talking like a 60-year-old white pastor. Eww. Bye Felicia.

K, lets talk about swearing now. Make. Your. Characters. Swear. No, honeybun, stop the wingeing and high pitched noises, you don’t have to actually write out the words themselves. Even just mentioning that ‘they cursed’ will suffice. See it’s that easy. And it looks better than a secular character speaking in the same voice that a mother uses on her toddler because the authour is too busy hand-wringing to put naughty no-no words in a book.

People swear, get over it. I’ve heard worse words at church. I’ve heard toddlers screaming worse words at their own parents.

If swearing makes sense to a character, don’t dance around it. You are allowed to write that swearing exists. You’re not going to hell for writing a secular character that swears.

Maybe in the POV of a fundie Christian character you can play with their voice and how they react to other characters swearing. Maybe the character can replace the swearing with something else. This is one good way to include swearing without actually including swearing. I’ll do that work for you for free.

So please make your characters dialog and language appropriate for their age.

Fucks Sake.

You can’t write

That’s it. You just can’t write. Not even misspelling ‘Krustchun burk’ on the cover will save it. Not even Jesus himself will save it. It’s too far gone.

You suffer from Big Fish in Small Pond syndrome

I’m just going to say it.

Writing is full of narcissists.

Christian writing is full of more narcissists.

The problem is you have to wade through a lot of toilet paper to find a book/genre that you like in the Christian only bookshop. And the Christian market is very much starved of any writing at all, let alone quality stuff.

Name Christian writers who did well in the secular market, you might get CS Lewis, Tolkien. Very smart people who created unforgettable works that are still being published long after their death. I don’t know what religion Anne Rice identifies with as she has rejected Catholicism but she still believes. Her vampire books were massive.

Now name even one Christian writer that made it big by starting in the Christian market.

Yeh, it doesn’t happen. You might get big in the Christian market itself, but then you will hit the glass ceiling because no-one else but Christians can relate to your books.

You could say the Left Behind Series. But the only reason they exploded was that they were a Big Fish in a Small Pond. No-one had ever done Revelation fanfiction on such a massive scale. And their preaching is very heavy in every book.

Your non-christian characters are made of straw

If it’s screamingly obvious that the atheist characters are written by a Kruschun who has never spoken to anyone outside their cult before, you might want to rewrite these characters.

No-one likes cardboard characters in any genre.

So are your kruschun characters

But then again, Christian written Christian characters that are an insult to real Christians is quite an achievement. Keep writing. You will make millions from hate-reading. Hilarious.

Kruschun Mary Sues are rampant

Kruschun characters who are so much smarter and better than the atheist characters. Everyone loves them. Villians give their hearts to Jesus for them! Because it’s that easy! Everything that comes out of the characters mouth sounds like the voice of the authour. Oops, lol. Maybe you should just name the character after yourself? Oh, you already did that…

You’re trying too hard

K, so you don’t know how to write. You don’t know how to develop a character. You don’t know anything about world building or dialogue. You barely even know how to spell anything. And you actually agree with me in this post. You want your book to be a bit different. Here’s what you do: EDGE!! Edgy Christians are totally not overdone as an attempt to attract a bigger audience at all.

The problem with that is that your book is now only edgy to a pastors son who’s not allowed to have a girlfriend till he’s 21. OMG! The main character is wearing a beanie!!!! And there’s a girl wearing shorts!!!!! So much EDGE!!!!!

This will be the edgiest book some Christians have ever read, but to everyone else, it will be an absolute joke.

Don’t force edge. Find your natural voice.

Plus I’m the only Edgy Christian in the village. All you others are fakes. I bet you don’t even listen to Striper.

 

I have a headache. I’m going to read Game of Thrones again.

Things that will make me walk out of your church

You’re not even Christian

 

You say you’re a church. You call yourselves Christians. Are you sure?

If you’ve been around the church lifestyle for a while, I’m sure you’ve heard of all them people who magically turned into cars after walking into a garage.

Anyone can say they are a Christian and they go to church. It’s too easy. I am a 40 year old gay Chinese man. See, it really works!

But if I don’t see the Christianity, your entire faith is hot air and meaningless mouth noises.

I go to church to see people gathered in the name of Jesus! So let me see it!

There is witchcraft in your church

 

No I don’t mean your church is full of green skinned women whose molecular structure completely disintegrates when it comes into contact with water. It’s 2018. Men can be witches too.

And it’s not just spells either.

Manipulating the world around you in unnatural ways, playing with powers you don’t know anything about and shouldn’t be playing with is witchcraft.

Do you know what is also witchcraft?

Word curses. “You will never do this you can’t do that you are this because of this and that which you have no control over”

You can speak them over yourself and live in unhappiness for the rest of your life.

What’s worse than that is speaking them over someone else. Disgusting. You are purpusfully casting witchcraft over someone.

So before you’re about to speak something like that over someone, shut you gob. Before someone shuts it for you. And that someone might not even be of this world so be careful when playing that dangerous witchcraft game!

 

You got the wrong spirit

 

Why is everyone rolling on the floor screaming?

Yeh, you have a spirit alright. There’s a chance it might not be the Holy one though. Haven’t seen him yet, but so far I have seen a Kundilini.

As I said in #1, anyone can say they are anything. There’s no reason this wouldn’t apply to spirits too.

So make sure you can recognise which spirits are in your church and only allow the ones you truly want.

And if you lie to and gaslight me about which spirit is in front of my face, bye. Your church could be dangerous.

You’ve set yourself up to fail in your ministries

 

I’m not talking about the pastorship or the elders or all the little things you’re doing outside the church. No, its not the music team either.

It’s your background workers. The backbone of your church. The ‘little people’ that actually keep the church running. I’m talking about the cleaners and the coffee bitches. I’m talking about the arthritic ushers that have been standing up for an hour before the service even started and need to take a sabbath or two in the days after. Oh, you thought the Sunday was the sabbath for these people? LOL!

Make sure the jobs are well allocated. If I see 10 jobs dumped onto one person, you no longer have a management role in the church. The job is now going to 83 year old Deidre who brings her three cats to church in a shopping cart and shows you the same Brag Book of her gay grandson every week, which is actually just filled with magizine cuttouts of five different celebrities. I think she will do a better job. Go sit in the back of the church and read your bible again while the adults are discussing the running of the church building.

If your team members are not respected, I’m not coming back to your church unless I’m bringing popcorn to watch the thing collapse in front of your face. Probably with the camera on my phone so that I can post it to a cringe compilation later.

Your healings/prophecies are fake

 

As a member of the disability community, I’ve met every fake healer in my country. I have yet to see a real healing in my lifetime. I have seen some good performances on stage, but never followed anyone up to see if there actually was any healing. All the ‘healings’ on YT are fake.

Healings from God isn’t a circus trick. God is very much caught up with modern tech, but he doesn’t heal just for a facebook vid.

Yeh, the leg growing trick is cool. Do you know who else I’ve seen doing tricks like that? Psychics who were exposed as fake. Do you know who else does tricks like that? My step-dad, the evangilist. He doesn’t do them as healings though, he does them as amature magic tricks to entertain his kids ministry.

The tricks themselves aren’t a bad thing. They’re actually entertaining. It’s when you lie to your audience that they are legit ‘healings’ that’s going to make me walk out. Lying in church is a nah from me.

All I’ve seen so far are stage shows. The only healing I’ve actually received from God was gradual, and most of my disabilities that have been prayed for have gotten worse anyway.

It’s gotten to the point where I’ve actually started refusing healings.

And since I now believe in the social model of disability, I demand they pray for something else. Like my first job at 28. Or for someone else, like peace and healing for a family member dying of cancer. Or poor little children in Africa. Funny how they never pray for my financial problems, but then shove the chuck bucket in my face. What you need money for, bub?

I have seen some legit prophets though. It might because I’m biased as I’m a massive prophecy nerd. But I’ve seen some legit prophets and I’ve seen fake ones.

I’ve seen prophets prophetizing all over the church. Prophetizing over people that there will be money and cars. That they know someone with a J in their name. Or was it a Z? An M? Anyone have a G in their name? Their prophecies are so legit that I’ve heard multiple fake psychics say the exact thing word for word. And they are all vague enough to apply to everyone so it must be true. And here comes the chuck bucket again.

I have seen prophets that straight up refused to accept any offerings or money from us, and requested that we put our money back into the church or a charity or something. They were always unsure if the word was coming from themself or the Spirit. Their prophecies were very specific and actually came true. Hmmm.

And speaking of chuck buckets.

 

You worship another god

 

You say you worship the God of the bible. Yet the rituals in your church are to other gods. When you offer your people prosperity in this world, then pass the chuck bucket around, you worship the demon god Mammon.

Mammon is the Prince of consumerism and toxic capitalism. He is destroying our culture with gluttony and waste. And he owns your pastors and your churches too.

Watch out for the demon Mammon.

Moloch is in churches also. He is the one they used to sacrifice babies to. I’m not even going to go into how he ended up in our churches.

Jezebel is supposed to be a big one also but I don’t know enough about her yet. She’s related to narcissism. She’s in our churches.

And of course, Lucifer himself is worshiped in your churches. If you know how to find him, you will see him. But he is there in many, many churches.

 

You can’t read

 

If you have a learning disability, I’m not talking to you in this paragraph.

I am talking to you if you act like never reading the bible is an achievement.

I am talking to you if you are ‘quoting verses’ that aren’t even in the bible and can’t even provide book, chapter, verse.

I’m talking to you if you ‘quote’ a verse and we have to ask you which holy text you got that from because the same verse in our bible says the complete opposite.

I’m talking to you if a verse about Jesus chopping onions for his tea is suddenly a commandment to round up all brown people into concentration camps.

Can you even read, bro? Were you high when you read this? How can I trust you if you can’t even read a damn bible?

 

You all smile like Ted Bundy

Honey, take this advice from an autistic: You’re not supposed to smile with your eyes wide open. It terrifies people. Also, having said expression plastered on your face all day is also terrifying. God did not tell you to look like someone just asked you if you killed all those women.

Christianity is not fake positivity. And fake positivity isn’t even healthy. I’ve seen fake positivity in the media. And the level of fake positivity in the church is something else. You’ve probably seen the psychopath/manic smiles in cults, where the signs of fake ‘happyness’ are painful to watch. Yes, some regular Christian churches do look this bad. And yours might be one of them

So I will be literally running from your church because its about to become a cult, or its just run by psychopaths who don’t know how to smile properly.

You’re scaring people away from the truth of Jesus. Do you even want to get the message out?

 

You’re getting zero converts because you can’t even communicate with humans anymore

How are you going to get your message out when you are so isolated that you don’t even speak the same language as the local population?

Yes you are allowed to use modern technology. Entertainment itself won’t send you straight to hell.

Also: It’s 2018. Technology isn’t a tool anymore. It’s part of the culture. We have mass media. The media is now part of our language and how we communicate.

The point of the church is to gather and spread a message. If you hog the message to yourself and can’t even communicate with the people outside your group, you’ve already failed.

 

You’re not a church

 

I’m seeing a lot of things. I’m seeing money making. I’m seeing gossip. I’m seeing judgment. I’m seeing mass hysteria probably caused by illegal drugs. I’m seeing enabeling of mental illness. Not seeing a lot of churching.

 

I’m glad I found the church I’m in and I can see great things in its future. But there are a lot of toxic things in church culture that we can probably afford to dump.

 

I try to post every weekend.

I also have a facebook

Returning to Lemuria

After progress on my novel stagnated for at least 2 years, I’ve finally gone back to it.

I’m giving the prologue one final chance to save itself before I cut it. This time I’m letting Tane write it from his POV. Before it was supposed to be his POV but was bogged down with description. Now the focus was just to put him in a New Zealand mountain forest in the middle of winter. As always, the chapter is a lot better. My drafts tend to always be rewrites, there’s not much editing.

I have some ideas that might completly change the plot in some ways, but the story itself will hopefully be mostly the same.

I still don’t know what else to do with it before publishing. I’m going with plan B of self pubing on kindle. Everything else I have tried just ends in road blocks. It will probably go up with no proffessional editing, because even that has a massive road block. I might do my own cover, the one I have now isn’t bad for a first cover but I think it needs to be more proffessional. That will happen after this rewrite.

Housewife brain damadge pt 2

I have returned again with the rest of that post. Last time I went over the definition, causes and symptoms. Today is a bit more positive because there is still hope for those suffering from HWBD.

Cures

Cures for this can be easy, with hardly any work involved. Or they could be impossible, depending on many different factors.

There are probably an endless amount of cures but I’m just going to go over a few basic ones here.

If you suspect that you might have HouseWife Brain Damage, here are a few things you can do for yourself (note the word I have italicized, bolded and underlined on purpose)

1. Cut your entire schedule

Do you have a planner? Take a pen, go though each day and cancel as many things as you can. If you can’t be trusted with just crossing out, get some scissors. If you find it works, literally cut entire days ou of the book. Some of you might need to rip out entire pages. Some still might need to just burn the whole book. And a few of you might need your husband to do it for you. At this point, this is ok, we all need to start somewhere.

2. Dump housework

Is the housework pile at emergency levels? Is there anyone else living with you? Are they doing nothing? Are they able-bodied? Why aren’t they doing it???

Of a job is someone elses responsibility why are you doing it?????

This is not only bad for you, it’s insulting, if not down right crippling to other people in your family. We have kids going to university not knowing how to fold a towel!!! Who’s fault is that?

3. Dump responsibility onto the man

Unless you’re a paedophile, you man is an adult. He can handle some adult responsibility. Yes, including keeping the house running. Some men have even admitted that they find it insulting when their wives rip basic house skills out of their hands, screaming that he ‘can’t do it’ and ‘never does it’. Ummm, what was he doing before you ripped it out of his hands, honeybun? See, this is an example of Housewife Brain Damage affecting more than just the sufferer.

Some men watched their mothers working full time, then doing all the housework, while their father did no housework at all. For these men, leaving all the housework to the woman actually turns them off! And some of these men might even get off on doing housework for you.

If a man offers to help out around the house, you say yes.

4. Learn other skills

If the only skills you know is how to clean and poop out babies, the situation is urgent! Firstly: Babies don’t come out of your poohole.

There are some basic skills that some women flat out refuse to learn. Skills that everyone should know.

Things like car skills. What to do when the power goes out, what to do in an emergency, how to hang up a picture, how to turn on a computer etc.

Even if it’s just one basic thing you should do before an expert comes in to fix it. If you refuse to do anything until your husband comes home to find it’s gotten worse, you’re an embarassment to everyone.

Purposeful helplessness isn’t a good look and might even be a turn off for some men. It’s 2018, honey, the helpless, winging damsel isn’t a thing anymore. She’s usually the first to get killed off in movies these days because everyone hates her. She annoys everyone with her constant screeching.

Yes, your woman brain has enough space to learn all sorts of different skills. Whoever read the ‘bible’ to you lied.

And seriously, are there women who actually wait until their husband comes home to hang up a damn picture???

5. Dump everything for a year of burnout recovery

This means no housework, no picking up kids and flinging them here and there. This should only be done in very severe cases. But if this is suggested to you by a mental health professional, you’ve probably burnt out massively.

HWBD is a type of burnout.

6. Cut off contact with certain family members

Some relationships/families are highly toxic. HWBD can be caused by toxic people. In some cases, literally, the only solution for that is to cut off contact. If a mental health professional suggests it, definitely consider it. It’s a bloody hard step to take. But if there are people in your life that are contributing to your declining mental health, cutting them out of your life is still an option.

7. Allocate allocate allocate

Actually, google this word yourself. If you’re doing ‘traditional gender roles’, it is the ‘traditional role’ of the wife to be in charge of running the house. That does not mean ‘do everything with no help’. That means making sure it actually gets done. Allocating tasks to someone else is traditionally feminine! It’s also feminist. Yes, you can be both at the same time!

If you don’t have time for it, allocate allocate allocate! Some people in your household will be more than happy to do a few things around the house! Some husbands and kids take great pride in it! If they’re ready to walk through the door of housework, leave it open!!

8. You are not a slave to your own children

This is just depressing. Children can do basic tasks around the house. Even if you have to do it again because they messed it up because they’re kids. You don’t exist to do all the housework for your kids. And if someone expects you to do so, there are a few words for that. One of them is ‘abuse’.

9. Divorce, then sign a slave contract

This one sounds weird, just hear me out.

Or read. I forgot this was text…

A marriage is a partnership. Think of a busness partnership. Similar…but very different. You are partners in running your family, your household ect.

Some married couples are even busness partners with each other. Imagine that.

Imagine seeing your husband/wife 24/7. Even at work.

Sorry to spring that short, one line horror story at you. Was it scary? I’m trying to get better at story writing.

Back on topic, busness partners tend to be equals. Busness partnerships where one is ranked higher than the other is not a buisness partnership. That’s called a boss/employee relationship.

Marriage is the same. It is not one sitting on top of the other. They are on the same level, beside each other. A woman is not less than or below a man, she is different! (once again, whoever read the bible at you fed you a load of porkies. Did you make sure they were actually reading from the bible and not just holding a dictionary in their hand and making up little stories from their head?)

If you come into a marriage expecting toxic ‘gender roles’ fed to you by your ‘church’, don’t insult the institution of marriage or God by getting married. If your relationship is indistinguishable from a Master/Slave relationship, you should probably be signing a slave contract, not a marriage one. If there is no partnership, your relationship isn’t a marriage. It’s called an Ownership.

With that being said, slavery is illegal almost everywhere. (That line feels a bit obvious in 2018, but there you go.) There is no such thing as a ‘legally binding slave contract’. It’s more of a social contract. Any party can just walk out at any time, they don’t even need to give any warning or explanation. (But even a simple explanation/warning before you leave is just good manners so suck it up and communicate) So even with that style of relationship, you still have a massive amount of freedom. But if you suddenly find that you have fewer rights than a slave, call Women’s Refuge yesterday!!!!

I could go more into the M/s thing but I think that’s for another post. Maybe even for another blog. Or maybe for never being posted on the internet…


 

For those who know someone with the disorder, here are a few things that might help. I don’t know if they will work though:

1. Burn her schedule and write a new one for her

If she is so far gone that she physically can’t plan out her day without double, triple shifting and even double or triple booking herself, to the point she is going multiple days without sleep, she might need someone to write a plan that’s actually logical. She might even need an intervention to cut all the events and ‘appointments’ she doesn’t need to go to.

2. Pick. Up. Some. Shit

If you a grown ass adult with hands and you can physically do it. PICK. UP. SOME. SHIT.

Is she running massivly late and you on your phone? What is she doing? Dishes? How does that get her out the door to where she needs to be?

Dump the phone, pick up a dish, scrub it. It won’t give you cancer.

Also: I know plenty of disabled people who do their own housework. Their mother doesn’t live with them so someone has to do it. There are zero excuses.

4. Be a support

If you know a woman suffering from HWBD and there’s not much else you can do for her household, just being an outside support might be enough. This isn’t new. Humans have been supporting each other’s families for thousands of years, its only recently that the concept of ‘community’ collapsed, dumping vulnerable families to deal with their issues alone.

5. Parent your own damn children

Pick up a kid. Help them with whatever they need to do. Talk to them. Learn their first name. It’s called parenting. Yes, dads can do it too. The next person who refers to a dad just looking after his kids as ‘babysitting’ is going to be slapped by me.

If you don’t, you’re not a dad or even a husband, just a shitty flatmate. What does a flatmate do? They pay rent and contribute to the house, neither of which you are doing anyway.

You might as well just sit down and wait for the divorce papers to arrive.

6. Divorce, offer a slave contract

Bub, your marriage is a lie. Everything I said in the list above.

Honey, you’re not looking for a wife. You’re looking for a slave. Call a spade a spade.

The two of you will probably be happier anyway.

And if she runs at the sight of the contract, she was looking for a husband. Which you aren’t. Start looking for the right thing next time! FFS!

7. Get out

If you’re part of the household affected by HWBD, and it looks like it could end in disaster, you might want to bail before it does.

If you’re the husband, try bailing tempuarily and see what happens. If she’s a completly different person, you have your answer. Your family needs some changes.

But sometimes things can’t be saved and you may need to be out perminantly. Thats ok too. Change needs to happen in some situations.

8. Grow TF up

There I said it. Some of you video game playing F*** Boys need to do this yesterday.


If Left Untreated:

Leaving this condition untreated can create mental illness. It can put the sufferer and even her family in danger. It had even been known to kill.

1. Toxic Learned Helplessness of males

Lol! So many jokes on TV about how useless males are at housework and even parenting!

Yeh…that’s not actually funny, honeybun, for either party.

You know what an embarassing shame to your entire family you are when you have to wait for your husband to come home from work to show you how to turn on the computer and send an email? It’s the same thing.

When a wife dies, her elderly husband suddenly becomes an infant. Suddenly he’s inviting people over to show him how to use the toaster, how to turn on the shower, what to do when his clothes for the day don’t magically appear on his bed. Do you want this to be your husband? Men, do you want this to be you?

2. Bathtub drownings

This has actually happened. There was a case of a massively overworked woman, in a tiny house, with too many kids, doing all the housework. One day her man comes home to find all his kids drowned in the bathtub.

I don’t consider her a murderer. This is one of the final stages of Housewife Braindamadge. Woman snapped.

If you see the signs, but ignore it, take a good look at your kids. It might be the last time you see them. It might be the last time you see your wife because suicide is another final stage of the disorder. Don’t let it get this far. Mental Health is as important as physical health. Failing it can lead to death.

3. Abuse from all sides involved

In some cases, HWBD does come directly from abuse. Yes we know that can happen.

But brain damaged house wives can be abusers too. Sometimes towards their own husbands. And then their own children.

If this happens, it’s time for someone to bail. Toxic relatioships should not be endured or ‘put up with’. The relationship needs some massive changes. And when those changes are made, watch what happens to HWBD.

 

Conclusion

We do not need those massivly obsolite gender roles anymore. The gender roles in your house should work for you!!

Housewife Brain Damadge can be prevented and cured.

Yes, you can do something about it!

Men have the power to change this.

And yes, women do too, you don’t have to wait until a man finally gets around to handing that power to you because he thought it would ‘look cute on you’.

At this point, I can’t tell if this was originally supposed to be funny or coming from a place of anger. I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore.

 

I hope you are all enjoying my bitchy posts 🙂

Please let me know in the comments if you want me to do more. Or let me know if you don’t like them, that’s valid too. It’s giving me something to post more than two times a year but I don’t want to do this one thing forever. I will still write updates on what I’m up to.

I’m back to updating every weekend and I actually still have some ideas left. So fingers crossed you will see me next weekend. Hopefully with a more productive post.

 

Housewife Braindamadge

There is a deadly condition that plagues our modern mothers. It is a toxic disease that is slowly destroying them and their families in many ways. This condition can also kill and probably already has. This condition urgently needs to be stopped.

This condition is called Housewife Brain damage. (This isn’t an official diagnosis or anything, but if the DSM wants it they can have it for free if they give me credit)

 

Housewife Braindamadge is named for a certain group of people that it affects. We have yet to find any evidance of a male with this condition. And if there was, they would probably already be doing something about it.

And yet somehow single, childless women seem to have escaped from it.

From my minimal knowledge of psychology, I would class this condition as a Personality Disorder as it does seem to have co-morbid symptoms with Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Disorders. And in some cases it can be indistinguishable from Co-Dependant.

No-one is born with this condition, instead HB is caused by the enviroment the sufferer is trapped in.

I am writing this post because this does not just affect the sufferer, but potentially everyone around them. Once she crashes and burns, she will drag everyone down with her.

It’s an absolute guarantee that you have seen it before, and if you haven’t, you are either lying or you urgently need to go out more. Or you probably have the condition youself.

 

Causes

The causes of this condition are suggested in the name.

It usually starts once a woman is married, but it has been known to develop in live-in relationships pre-marriage. It can start before or after having children, but the presence of children seems to make the condition deteroeorate quickly.

It happens when all the duties of running the house is dumped on a woman, and she does it all. By herself. Micromanaging every miniscule thing. With no help.

If the male in the relationship is completly capable and intependant, yet has the basic life skills of a toddler, meanwhile his own toddler manages to do more around the house than he does, it is a guarantee his wife already has HWBD.

The presence of kids doesn’t do this, it only makes it worse. This is usually started by a man. And yes I’m pointing fingers at men because studies have shown and shown and shown and shown and shown that men are causing this condition. The signs are right in your face. You can’t miss it, unless of course you have Housewife Braindamadge.

This is caused when a woman isn’t alowed to allocate the tiny, usless, menial tasks that keep the house running.

HB is caused when your husband comes home from work, sits watching sports with a beer, ignores you, ignores the kids, farts, then goes to bed suddenly expecting sex. And is still surprised when his burnt out wife has been literally asexual for years. Bub, you might as well get a blow up doll. It’s more likely to enjoy sex than your wife.

HB is caused when blatant, in your face mysogony is ‘normal’.

HB is caused when people forget that the 1950s was decades ago. And HB already existed then.

I understand if you are a ‘warrior mum’ who runs around doing everything, because it is your feminine power. But I’m seeing a pattern in some women, red flags that are screaming at you, that you need to immediatly drop everything. HB does prevent you from seeing the signs. The results can be deadly.

 

Symptoms

As said above, you have seen this before.

Mother Baby activity groups. The condition is everywhere here.

The gassbagers that hog supermarket isles and footpaths with their trollies/baby buggies for hours, preventing anyone from getting through. This isn’t the symptom. The symptom is the snottyness you receive when you have the audacity to request that they move their fat asses so that you can pass. Because your ability to get from A to B is far inferiour to their ‘right’ to mouthfart to each other about what so and so did with this and that. Which has nothing to do with where they’re standing. And its completly unreasonable to expect them to do that somewhere else, like a cafe or somewhere else specificly designed for sitting and blitthering. Nah, it HAS to be done in the middle of a path. And the entire world has to stop to wait for them to finish honking at each other before it can continue with life.

And you know its probably not a good idea to call them out on gossiping about their innocent friends. Not if you value your life.

You no doubt have met women who are so mentally crippled that everything is answered with ‘I’ll ask my husband’. That’s cute, but if it becomes a habit people will start questioning your intelligence. That’s why its called Housewife Braindamadge. You might find conversations with these women painful.

If a friend or family member suffers from all these symptoms, its time for an intervention.

If you suffer from all of these, seek help immediatly

In no particular order:

1. Constant mistakes

Making mistakes every now and then is ok. Everyone does that. But constantly f***ing up everything she touches is a sign she is too burnt out to function and needs to drop everything. If she’s failing because she literally can’t physically see, she is massivly burnt out.

2. Needing husbands permission/opinion before you can even move

Like I said before, sometimes the classic ‘traditional gender roles’ can be rather cute. But there is ‘Cute Gender Roles’ and there is ‘purpusfully presenting yourself with the mental age of five just because you have a vagina’. And I have to warn you that this can make your man look a bit like a peadophile.

Let yourself have a brain! No, the bible does not demand that all women must be retarded. How drunk were you when you read it?

You did read it yourself, right? And not just have your husband read it at you and tell you what it means and not let you study it yourself for your own understanding, right?

3. Skipping meals

I’ve put this in here because I myself have seen this. I skip meals because at 100kg, my body can afford it. I also skip meals to pay the power bill. Some skip meals because there literally is no food or money.

There is no other logical reason to skip meals.

I know so many women who literally boast about skipping multiple meals in a day. These are women who are at a good weight, own their own house so they can afford as much food as they want. Yet they are skipping all meals in a day because they don’t even have time to smash a random handful of food into their face.

Is that even healthy?

They’re working, running around the house doing housework, chucking their kids around town, then they hoon their evening activities, overworked and literally starved.

By the way, malnourisment can also starve your brain. It can mess with your emotions, symptom #1 is an absolute guarantee if you are skipping multiple meals. How do you expect to focus if your braincells are literally dieing due to starvation?

I’ve seen women collapse so badly we had to call them an ambulance.

The Drs diagnosis? Exhaustion and starvation.

I’ve seen it happen to multiple women.

How many men have you seen it happen to?

This is one of the things that inspired me to write this. This isn’t a funny, snarky point on this list. I am actually very concerned about this symptom.

Though maybe this is also a cause of HWBD…

4. Severe ‘brain fog’

In my experience, I’ve never heard a man describe brain fog. I just think that’s interesting.

Brain Fog can be caused by many different things.

But if a woman is describing the symptoms of a learning disability as ‘brain fog’ it might be HWBD.

5. Depression and anxiety that suddenly appeared overnight

If she didn’t have depression and anxiety when she was single, it’s possibly part of a much bigger condition. Depression and anxiety are very often symptoms of something else, and only treating them would be like smearing glitter on a dead baby.

6. Narcissism

If left to long, the condition can mutate into Narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy, borderline, co-dependant. One needs to have a certain number of symptoms to be diagnosed with a personality disorder, but regular people can still have a number of symptoms without needing a diagnosis. They’re just called toxic people.

The braincells she is losing is taking her social skills with them.

Consider the example of blocking aisles and paths again. Her entire world is just cleaning, cooking and children. She’s too brain damadged to function outside the house. She’s too brain damadged to socialize with adults. Her ‘needs’ are more important than anyone elses because ‘anyone else’ doesn’t exist, she hasn’t seen an ‘anyone else’ in years.

There could be many reasons a brain-damadged housewife becomes the snotty narcissist. She can’t control you because you are not the child she will probably infantilize for its entire life.

7. Inability to escape Baby Culture

Does she know all the words to Barney songs like she actually enjoys it? Is she playing Peppa Pig on repeat? By herself? Without the kids? This is no longer a mother, it is now a woman that has snapped. Let these women experience things that have nothing to do with babies! FFS!!

And if she’s using the same voice she uses on the baby on grown adults, it’s time something is done about it. She doesn’t know how to talk to adults anymore. Not even her own husband.

8. No intrests outside baby crap and cleaning

Try it yourself. Ask what her favorate music is.

“Husbands and children”

What books do you like to read?

“Hurrr Husbands and Children!”

What kind of animals will you find on a farm?

“Husbands and children!!! Lol!!!!”

Who are you voting for in the next election?

“Husbands and children!!!”

Note how proudly she says it, like she thinks being intellectually-handicapped is an acomplisment she should be rewarded for.

Try forcing her to say something else and watch her have a brain anurism. It’s either disturbing or hilarious, depending on how sick your sense of humour is.

10. Complete refusal to take adult responsibility 

Sometimes women can have some responsibility in this condition.

Do you think she will do anything about it? Lol.

If there is an important responsibility she should be picking it up, expect it to be abandoned over emergency housework, or the kids that dad doesn’t remember the first names of.

You can also expect her to abandon all responsibility for the things that came out of her own womb. Anything her kid does is your fault, especially when you don’t know her or her demon sprog from Adam :/ Expecially when she purpusfully forced her kid to do it.

Look out for traits of an attention whore.

 

But how do we cure such a condition?

Come back next week and I will post ways to cure and even prevent this condition.

 

 

Why you should not spend money to start your buisness!

.This year I’m learning a lot of things about starting a platform, be it FB, YT, Blogging, even a new business etc.

One piece of advice that I am mostly getting from YT is the biggest load of porkies I’ve ever seen.

Here it is:

“Buy this first! Then that! And fork out money for this this this this and that that that that that that or you will NEVER EVER be successful until you’ve dumped your entire bank account into it! Lol!”

If you’re just starting out with your platform as a side gig, this is the worst advice you could possibly get. I’m convinced that the people who give this are purposefully trying to sabotage beginners so that they don’t have competition.

And here’s why the advice is bullshit:

With what money, bitch???

If this thing you are starting is just a side hustle/hobby, you should not be pouring all your money into it, as other ‘famous’ people suggest.

In fact, side hustles should be almost if not completely free for you to start up. The point is that it is something you enjoy and it brings in a little extra cash. If you’re haemorrhaging your entire bank account into it, it’s not a side gig. It’s a main hustle. And you’ve just put all your eggs in one basket, which is probably the stupidest financial decision you could possibly make when you’re starting out.

Just look what happened to all your favourite YTers when the ad apocalypse happened. When getting paid just to turn on your camera and do whatever first became a thing, everyone jumped on the bandwagon. People even quit their jobs to do it full time. It was at this point that I saw their failure coming a mile away. How do you even expect that to last? Some of them didn’t even back up their paid-to-film-their-boring-life with merch, which would have been the most obvious next step for me, before I even knew anything about money. And yet they continued to sit on this one income, expecting to do the same thing over and over forever. Then the YT bubble collapsed. Suddenly you were wading through piles of videos of YTers screaming at their cameras “BAWWWWW the money disappeared! I can’t pay my bills! Give me money!” And that is how perfectly good, talented people dumped it all to become e-beggers, just to pay their bills for the mansion they bought with their YT money. And how is this YouTubes fault? You didn’t even have a backup. Or you can go back to the dayjob you abandoned for a platform that was never meant to last.

But not all of us are those YTers. Some of us are massively underpaid in their main day job, if not downright unemployed. We’re using what we actually have. The end, that’s it. Sometimes you’re forced to spend what you don’t have. If you have to skip meals to pay bills, pay all that first before chucking money you don’t have at all the latest overpriced crap that some YTer told you to buy in order to be a YTer.

And if you are some big name touting that one has to have a certain ‘quality’ of expensive crap just to get anywhere, if you are shooting people down by saying they will never get anywhere using second hand, obsolete supplies because that’s all they can afford: Shut your fat gob!!!

Jenna Marbles sometimes still uses her phone or a webcam. So do many other big YTers. You don’t need an entire production studio when starting out making little videos. One of the latest trends today is Mukbang. The most important thing in those videos is the food, not the overpriced Hollywood camera used to film it. Some Mukbangs aren’t even edited. They don’t need to be edited. So no, you don’t need the latest software used by Weta Studios to edit simple videos like Mukbangs. ASMR, vlogs, mukbangs can do perfectly well edited in a broken version of Microsoft Movie Maker.

All the best YTers and influencers started out with the cheapest crap. Including the ones giving you this dangerous advice of affluenza. They are hypocrites who are straight up lying to you.

Starting out with arts and crafts, you don’t need the most expencive equipment and supplies, anyone who tells you otherwise is setting you up to fail. Bob Ross used cheap paintbrushes I could probably get from the Warehouse or even a $2 shop. Right now my strategy is to sell small, cheap paintings and use all the profits to buy more art supplies. That could be your goal too.

I’m doing this because do you honestly think I can afford the highest end of oil paints while unemployed and disabled? LOL.

And pouring money into writing as a side hustle. Are you serious??? I haven’t heard much ‘advice’ demanding that you do this. But anyone who tells you to empty your bank account just to write is an absolute scam artist.

Of all the hustles I’ve mentioned today, this should be the most inexpensive, if not FREE to do.

Writing should be done anywhere on anything. Anyone who screeches that you ‘need’ to buy and buy and buy and buy this and that overpriced software/supplies before you even start writing should be slapped! This software should be tools to help you and make things easier for you, not requirements to just bashing your words down.

I’m using Open Office and am slowly transitioning to Google Docs. I am now boycotting the moneygrubbing scam that is Word. Over $100 to use a writing software for only one year???? Really??? Are you high on something, Microsoft? Linux is killing your business! Some of us have to save up for months to by a new pair of pants from the Warehouse! I will use whatever software I have at the time!!!

And all of that is when I’m not physically writing in an actual notebook with an actual pen, both of which shouldn’t be overpriced either. Anyone who tells you that you ‘need’ some speshul pen and speshul notebook/paper for some massive price is scamming you! Your pen and your paper for writing should be special to you, not your wallet.

I’m even avoiding using a professional editor. Everyone in the writers’ groups will scream at you that you ‘need’ one. But once again: With what money, bitch? Editors aren’t free!!!! They charge money for good reason! They need to eat too! So I might go with another option, or just straight up skip that step before I publish. An editor is something I could get once I’ve actually made money from my books. Otherwise, I have nothing to pay an editor with. And as an artist myself, I couldn’t bring myself to pay them in ‘exposure’.

And then there’s book covers. Yeh…

Book cover artists should absolutely be paid. With money. Which is why I can’t have one. Being an artist, again, I will do it myself until there is money.

This ‘advice’ is one of the biggest ripoffs I have ever seen. Even when you actually have money, it’s a massive scam.

Even if you don’t want to make money, even if you just want it as a hobby, you shouldn’t be expected to spend too much on it.

If you do want to make money, you still shouldn’t spend too much, only what you can, especially if there is no money for extra things in your life. It should support itself. It should not make you homeless because you put all your eggs into one basket.

There is an endless amount of actually good business advice out there, I’m just starting to find it myself. Affluenza is not good business. Quite the opposite actually.

And I am more than happy to use better quality stuff if someone buys it for me 🙂

Why you should want fame

Everyone keeps telling me “you shouldn’t do it for fame”.

When they talk about starting and building a YT channel or blog or any kind of social media platform “you shouldn’t do it for money or fame”.

And that seems to be the best advice they give and everyone stands up and cheers.

 

Bullshit.

 

Why else would you do it?

And what are they doing? Exactly that!

 

Here are some good reasons for why you should want fame.

I will use myself as an example:

My dream is to publish books and create art. Say I’ve finished a book or a painting. What do I do next? If I want to get it out of my house, selling it is a good option.

Tell me, how TF am I going to sell something to someone when they know nothing about me or the product? Explain.

Would you buy a product before you know it exists? How does that work? When do you buy a product? Usually, after you know it exists, that’s how it works in reality-land. What are the products you buy the most? The famous ones!!! The ones that are well known for providing exactly what you are looking for.

To sell a product successfully you need to know about Marketing. What is marketing? GETTING SOMETHING FAMOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

If you want to sell something without getting famous, you’ve already failed and I don’t know why you would even bother.

Even Banksy is famous. Who the hell is Banksy? I don’t know! No-one does! That’s the point of Banksy! And yet he is famous! Even trying to be anonymous and ‘anti-fame’ will get you famous if you want to put something out there.

To all those hipsters who follow all the latest ‘underground anti-fame’ stuff, sitting on your high-horse, looking down your snotty nose at everyone even slightly interested in ‘fame’: just WTF are you doing? How do you even know about that ‘underground’ stuff? Because it’s bloody famous for being underground!!! And thus you have contributed to the concept of fame.

 

If you honestly believe you can completely escape fame by doing this, you are delusional.

If you honestly believe you can churn out work and get some views etc without needing fame to get you those views, you are delusional.

Even if you don’t want views or subs or follows or likes, you still want to get your message out there, don’t you?

And how will you do that?

First, by getting eyeballs and earholes onto your message.

And what form does that take?

Views, likes, follows and subs.

So what is all that called?

That’s called fame, honeybun.

 

If you honestly believe that fame and getting your message out there have to be completely separate, you are delusional.

 

If you’re not doing YT/blogging/influencing to get famous, maybe you shouldn’t be doing YT/blogging/influencing.

NZ Stereotypes: The truth!

The Sheep One

This one came from the statistic that at one time there were more sheep than the human population.

According to new studies, there are now more cows here than sheep. So the joke should now be about cows, which some people find more attractive than sheep anyway.

 

Hitchhiking

While watching a video about travelling on a budget, the YouTuber suggested hitchhiking in NZ, because, and I quote: “Everyone does it” here.

Really now?

The only people I’ve ever seen hitchhiking here are foreign hipsters. We never hear anything about them afterwards. And we never talk about them again. What tourist? I didn’t see one.

My dad has been known to do it on occasion, but he is over 6 foot, Celtic Maori and covered in tattoos. So he tends not to have any trouble.

But if you are not from here and want to go hitchhiking, I highly recommend you do it every time you travel. There is an art to it. Here are some tips:

  • For best results go alone. All by yourself.
  • Take any car that pulls over, no matter what it or its driver looks like.
  • Don’t bring a phone or any way to contact the outside world.
  • Don’t tell anyone where you’re going. Drivers know when you have told someone. It’s better if no-one knows where the hell you are.
  • Don’t bring any weapons or anything you could possibly defend yourself with. Because hitchhiking doesn’t work if you can defend yourself.

 

Lord of the Rings

Yes, we all know it was filmed here. Yes, we all know about hobbits. Yes, I saw the first film four times at the cinema. Yes, I collected everything LOTR when I was a teenager. Yes, I thought I was Arowen for two weeks. Then I thought I was Galadreal for about a year. Yes, I was convinced I was going to work for Weta to make the next film. Been there, done that. We already know. Shut up.

The truth: The entire country isn’t just one filming location waiting for the next movie. We do all have lives outside those damn films.

 

It’s a Tiny Island Country

Already bored of the fat Americans turning up surprised we have cars and roads. This tells me NZ is probably miles ahead of some Western countries as far as development.

The Truth:

Some of your food probably gets shipped straight from here. That’s meat, wines, ciders, beers, fruits and veg.

There are the obvious exports of filming locations etc.

At the moment we are also exporting a number of musicians.

We have a lot to offer. Yes. There are actual people here.

 

It exists only as a holiday tourist attraction

Once again, we have a government, society, culture, lives outside dropping everything to entertain you.

The truth:

This country is currently being choked to death by freeload-campers and begpackers who literally shit all over the environment because the public toilet five steps away were just tooooo faaaaaar for poor little hipster feet.

We have foreign beggers turning up, expecting the country itself to pay for their holiday. They could afford a plane ticket and a crappy van, but somehow not the $10 a night at a motor camp and basic food. They are now bludging off food banks set up for local people that are actually homeless.

Other countries don’t exist for your entertainment. If you come to enjoy what it offers RESPECT IT or stay home!

 

Dare Devils

This country is well known for its daredevil ideas. Bungy Jumping etc.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but we didn’t make those for you.

We made those for ourselves first.

The truth:

By the time we got the first iPhone, it had been obsolete for years.

A lot of towns suffer from severe brain drain: Everyone pisses off the minute they leave school to find work. Leaving entire cities as giant retirement villages because there are no opportunities for anyone else. Using the place as a filming location only goes so far.

Whenever a new trend comes out, we often have to buy it illegally off the internet after searching for it locally for months.

We walk in a bookshop to buy the latest ‘bestseller’. Staff has never heard of it. Movie comes out. Same staff is now obsessed with that same book ‘based on the movie’.

If you want to buy comic books, you have to buy a plane ticket first.

The truth is we are bored! We’re trying to commit suicide. Please help us die.

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Disability Day of Mourning

On this years Day of Mourning, one of my favourite Disability Activists posted a video:

On days like this, I always have a lot of questions.

How is it that we are asking people nicely to act like a human being raised in civilized society and NOT abuse and murder their own children? As if we need to say our please, thank yous, keep our elbows off the table, drink with our pinky in the air before we can expect to live without violence directed at us every day?

Not being abused is a right, not a privilege. Even pigs are entitled to that right, and we eat those!!

Can you still be considered a parent if you are responsible for the death of your own child? Doesn’t that completely contradict the definition of being a mother/father? I would have thought the #1 rule of parenthood was to keep the little one alive for as long as possible. Even brain-dead goldfish know this. And we as a species walked on the moon. So we have the mental capacity to keep a child alive. Murdering your own child is no accident.

Anyone can make a baby. It’s not Quantum Physics. You don’t need a PhD to have sex. Parenthood is another thing entirely. I’ve never tried it myself, but it looks like a very long, complicated job. It’s more than just biology. So is murdering your own kid. I don’t know what high school class that is taught in.

My last question is one that comes up for me every year. And every year the sheer logic of it gives me a brain haemorrhage.

How TF are these sperm and egg donors plastered all over the media as the victims???

Does the media not know how murder works?

It’s usually the dead one in a murder case that is considered the victim. Or are police all over the world wrong?

But we are talking about disabled murder victims. People who have zero ways to defend themselves. So of course in these cases, everything needs to be backwards. The abused and murdered disabled person who probably suffered massively towards the end of their life are the criminals.

Then watch the real criminals cry and whine all over the TV and news blogs, earning more and more money with every interview that enables their pathological behaviour. Just listen to much they suffered! Because that’s what parenting is all about, it’s all about the parents wingeing and feefees, and nothing, zero about the safety and well-being of the actual child.

This ‘parent’ is a psychopath. The media is their enabler, and possibly a psychopath also. And if the media is contributing to these deaths, I would not be surprised anymore.

Disability rights is LAW. The disability community shouldn’t have to ask for these rights, let alone scream for decades until we get it: The safety we are legally entitled to.

Amythest is asking too nicely. I think we need to go back to screaming. The deaf community can already hear us and are screaming with their hands. Why can’t all of you hear us?

2018

I spent 2017 flinging Cvs everywhere. To tell you how successful that is in Nelson I will just say that today I spent all day watching random YT videos and the day before that. And probably all of tomorrow.

I used TradeMe for a while. Once I had cut the jobs I couldn’t physically get to via tricycle or bus with arthritis, then cut the physically impossible due to disability work, then cut everything that expected me to magically get experience from nowhere, I was usually left with one available job in total. I couldn’t even say if I were interested in these jobs, it was too early to say anything like that because these were usually jobs I knew nothing about. But I flung a CV at them anyway. I wanted part-time work for experience, as I had none. I still got rejections anyway. Even once I could put my familiarity with a cash register on my CV.

2018 I will be giving up the search as it is wasting time and energy that could be spent on art and writing, the work I actually want. So I am looking for side gigs that I can make out of this work.

Solo artists are small business owners. Artists are a brand. So I will need to focus on things like that at some point.

This year I need to focus on one project at a time because I am usually all over the place and I still have projects that have been sitting there literally for years.

In 2018 you might see more of me on this blog.

Happy New Year! Hope yours will be good.

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