Not actually what happened but only slightly based on a true story today. Sorry if its hard to follow. I hope it’s not too SJW, sorry not sorry if it is.
(There are issues in the SJW movement I find ‘problematic’, but in this situation I can kind of see where they are coming from.)
Table reserved for an Aspergers support group at exactly 2.30 (VERY clearly marked as Reserved, and what time)
Complete Random turns up at 2.40
“Hi, are you new? You seem a bit old for a group for Young Adults”
“No. Can I sit in your (reserved area) just because I’m a Speshul Snowflake?”
(Looks at neon ‘reserved’ sign in the shape of a massive sun explosion) “Ummm…This table is reserved. Are you with this reserved party?”
“But I’m Speshul for no reason and I sit here all the time.”
“Lol, nah. We come here every monday at the exact same time like clockwork. The exact same people come and they all order the exact same thing for themself every week. We live in a town so minuscule that I pass all my old teachers on the street DAILY and my mother said its ok to marry a second cousin. Mostly because the only single men in my town ARE second cousins. None of us have ever seen you before. So nah, you don’t ‘come here all the time’.”
“But can I still sit here? It’s apparently MY speshul place that I apparently own even when it’s reserved for a massive group?”
“This is a group for people with aspergers, and probably the one and only social outing AND emotional support for people who have been snubbed, ignored and purposefully prevented from participating in the human world around them. Why should we be expected to include YOU in a group NOT FOR YOU when people like you REFUSE to include us in a general society that is basically for everyone? The actual cafe staff themselves (which the entire group know personally, yes a pile of autistics all remember the first name of the boss and his dog and have met his grandson) reserved this table for us because we seem to have become part of the actual cafe, so much that one of us actually works here. You have not done a single thing for us, you are not friends with any of us and none of us would know you from Adam. It is a group for autistics, not a group for narcissists. Yes there is a massive difference.”
(In the RL true story this was literally the THIRD time this woman was told the word RESERVED. How many more times would you think one needs?)
In RL it wasn’t really that big of a deal TBH, and this post isn’t about the RL situation (true story!)
But it inspired me to write this novel length post about everything that has nothing to do with this conversation. lol
This isn’t even about today anymore I think today is a symptom of something else.
Do you believe we should include complete random people who have nothing to do with and contribute nothing to our social/support groups? Just so they can sit there and take up space because they’re speshul? Should we do this while our fellow autistic brothers and sisters all over the world are still excluded from everything just for being autistic? Sometimes even to the point where they are purposefully and illegally prevented from attending to school? Just because they are autistic?
Am I allowed to use the word hypocrisy? Or am I expected to shut my mouth so that you can have a place to park you arse in a place reserved for someone else who isn’t you? Why, just for clarification? Because you’re speshul? Oh, Ok. That’s a good enough reason I suppose. I’ll let the suffragettes, civil rights movements and the LGBTQ groups and entire disability community know. They all have to move from spaces reserved as support for them because you turned up and needed a place to park your arse and ignore them. Ok. And I’m not allowed to mention the word ‘Narcissism’? That would be offensive? Ok ok. Cool cool cool. Just to be clear.
If she had turned up at any other group she would have been asked questions like:
“Who the F are you? We’ve never seen you at our job which is throwing this Christmas Party for Employees Only”
“How did you know the deceased? We’ve never seen you before.”
“We’re looking for a girl to join our ‘fun times’. Which way do you swing?” (In that situation, honey you on your own. You got yourself in that situation, you can get youself out. We not saving you. The autistics have decided to watch from a distance with popcorn)
So is it a good idea to just turn up at a reserved table that isn’t for you and just park your fat behind down?
An autistic would get flak for doing that. They would get asked if they have even heard of social skills before. But autistics get flack for trying to be included in groups that are ‘for everyone’ anyway. So why is it ok for complete randoms to force themselves into our groups that aren’t made for them?
The woman who runs the group is not autistic herself but she is the mother of a young man with aspergers and runs an entire organization for young people with aspergers. A friend of the group who has Downs Syndrome was hanging out with us, which the woman running the group had a problem with as this was a group for Aspergers and an official organization so she wanted to keep the group as specifically autistic members only. Though we love out Downs friends anyway.
So if our amazing leader was here, do you think she should allow some random, complete stranger NT to park her fat arse in our Reserved table, to do nothing but take up space? And make no attempt to support our group?
If a FRIEND can’t join the group because he doesn’t have autism, why should we allow a complete stranger to force their way into a support group just because they are Speshul(tm)?
If we won’t let a FRIEND take up space, why should we let a complete stranger, who does nothing for the group, completely waste space for no reason?
Why should we include these speshul people when they have made sweet FA attempt to include us?
Now, for those Speshul people who might be reading this, do you have a seat that is actually reserved for you? Have you made sure? If you have not, you may leave this post to make sure and then come back. It should still be here when you get back, I can wait. Because you will need to be sitting down for this as it may come as an absolute shock to you. Here it is:
Not all autistics just want to exist in a monotonous day-to-day on the dole, locked up inside playing video games all day and never developing social skills. Some of us actually want a normal life.
Some of us would be happy with A job ANY job.
Some of us would be over the moon to get a second-hand, broken car.
Autistics just want what everyone else gets by just turning up, so why aren’t autistics getting those things?
For some autistics these groups are the only way they can gain enough confidence and social skills to physically start looking for jobs/boyfriends/accommodation/chocolate/whatever it is they want.
Some autistics who turn up at this group make their first ever friend while well into their late teens.
Some autistics turn up because its the only group who wanted them to turn up.
It might be the group that gave them their only facebook friends besides their parents and grandparents.
It might be the group that gave them an excuse to actually buy a phone because who would an autistic text before meeting all these people? Exactly!
These groups might be the only place they can even learn anything about their own autism. I am assuming that spending time in a social situation with a large number of autistics would give one a reasonable idea of what autistics are like when they are actually accepted in a social situation. Imagine a large number of autistics allowed to be themselves for probably the first time in their lives. A number of possibilities could happen. I’ll save that can of worms for another post.
And call an ambulance in advance because this might give you a heart attack:
All autistics are actual People, or at least we want to be. Some of us haven’t even been allowed to be.
This happened because your world forces us out. So why should we let you turn around from your space that you forced us out of for the entire reason that we are not ‘up to your standards’ and force your way into our space to park your arse and take up space reserved for only us, that we could use? When you have no intention to support us in problems you created, you just want a place to park your arse while there are plenty of seats in NT land?
Nothing against the NT/able bodied/majority/privileged community. We might actually invite us into our spaces because we actually really need your support.
If you slammed doors in our faces for stupid, bigoted, hateful, pointless reasons, why should we open doors to our spaces for you? One might recognize this pattern if they have been in an emotionally abusive relationship. Interesting that everyone in a minority group recognizes those patterns too. Hmmm.
The reason why I bought up ‘SJWs’ at the start was that they might recognize the discussion about spaces ect.
In the Real Life True Story Bro that inspired this post, this is not the first time our space has been wasted by the Common Red Breasted Garden Narcissist, while the Reserved sign was very clear, bright neon pink and complete with time of reservation. My town is literally collecting Freedom Bludgers (which refer to themselves as ‘Freedom Campers’) like flies. The Narcissism problem in Nelson is not new, though we tend to get most of our Narcissists through tourism.
And I hate to break it to you, but if neither you nor your small child has autism and you are not connected to the group, nor do you intend to support us beyond sitting there ignoring us, half an hour beyond the time our group officially starts as stated on the reservation sign, then sorry darling you don’t count as Young Adult Autistic. We can call a spade a spade and consider you as wasting space.
If you are capable of these levels of self absorption and want to call it a ‘mistake’ an blame it on anyone but you, you have revoked your right to take a dump on Autistics for the real social mistakes they can make when they are just trying to learn social skills. And most autistics get nothing out of these ‘social skills’ anyway. But they learn them to navigate the world so they can exist as a real person. And if they don’t need to do that they are doing it entirely FOR YOU so that they and you can have a sufficient social experience. To some autistics it might be the equivalent of learning a second language while the other person makes no attempt to learn about or even respect your culture. It might be nice to meet people half way sometimes. I myself learned it is a rather nice thing to do while I was learning social skills as an Autistic.
The story conclusion:
In before: “But there’s only three of you sitting there”
Lol, oh honey. At three oclock we are taking up all the couches around the Reserved table, plus another table over there. Some of us may even take up a table inside. This is not even all the YA Autistics in the city. This is not even the entire group, we have others that turn up every now and then and even others in other cities and even countries. When they actually to turn up they might want a seat too, just an assumption. Please tell me again how you are entitled to a space that won’t even fit our entire group on a normal day.
Please let me know if I’m too negative.
The Bogan Artist