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Housewife Braindamadge

There is a deadly condition that plagues our modern mothers. It is a toxic disease that is slowly destroying them and their families in many ways. This condition can also kill and probably already has. This condition urgently needs to be stopped.

This condition is called Housewife Brain damage. (This isn’t an official diagnosis or anything, but if the DSM wants it they can have it for free if they give me credit)

 

Housewife Braindamadge is named for a certain group of people that it affects. We have yet to find any evidance of a male with this condition. And if there was, they would probably already be doing something about it.

And yet somehow single, childless women seem to have escaped from it.

From my minimal knowledge of psychology, I would class this condition as a Personality Disorder as it does seem to have co-morbid symptoms with Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Disorders. And in some cases it can be indistinguishable from Co-Dependant.

No-one is born with this condition, instead HB is caused by the enviroment the sufferer is trapped in.

I am writing this post because this does not just affect the sufferer, but potentially everyone around them. Once she crashes and burns, she will drag everyone down with her.

It’s an absolute guarantee that you have seen it before, and if you haven’t, you are either lying or you urgently need to go out more. Or you probably have the condition youself.

 

Causes

The causes of this condition are suggested in the name.

It usually starts once a woman is married, but it has been known to develop in live-in relationships pre-marriage. It can start before or after having children, but the presence of children seems to make the condition deteroeorate quickly.

It happens when all the duties of running the house is dumped on a woman, and she does it all. By herself. Micromanaging every miniscule thing. With no help.

If the male in the relationship is completly capable and intependant, yet has the basic life skills of a toddler, meanwhile his own toddler manages to do more around the house than he does, it is a guarantee his wife already has HWBD.

The presence of kids doesn’t do this, it only makes it worse. This is usually started by a man. And yes I’m pointing fingers at men because studies have shown and shown and shown and shown and shown that men are causing this condition. The signs are right in your face. You can’t miss it, unless of course you have Housewife Braindamadge.

This is caused when a woman isn’t alowed to allocate the tiny, usless, menial tasks that keep the house running.

HB is caused when your husband comes home from work, sits watching sports with a beer, ignores you, ignores the kids, farts, then goes to bed suddenly expecting sex. And is still surprised when his burnt out wife has been literally asexual for years. Bub, you might as well get a blow up doll. It’s more likely to enjoy sex than your wife.

HB is caused when blatant, in your face mysogony is ‘normal’.

HB is caused when people forget that the 1950s was decades ago. And HB already existed then.

I understand if you are a ‘warrior mum’ who runs around doing everything, because it is your feminine power. But I’m seeing a pattern in some women, red flags that are screaming at you, that you need to immediatly drop everything. HB does prevent you from seeing the signs. The results can be deadly.

 

Symptoms

As said above, you have seen this before.

Mother Baby activity groups. The condition is everywhere here.

The gassbagers that hog supermarket isles and footpaths with their trollies/baby buggies for hours, preventing anyone from getting through. This isn’t the symptom. The symptom is the snottyness you receive when you have the audacity to request that they move their fat asses so that you can pass. Because your ability to get from A to B is far inferiour to their ‘right’ to mouthfart to each other about what so and so did with this and that. Which has nothing to do with where they’re standing. And its completly unreasonable to expect them to do that somewhere else, like a cafe or somewhere else specificly designed for sitting and blitthering. Nah, it HAS to be done in the middle of a path. And the entire world has to stop to wait for them to finish honking at each other before it can continue with life.

And you know its probably not a good idea to call them out on gossiping about their innocent friends. Not if you value your life.

You no doubt have met women who are so mentally crippled that everything is answered with ‘I’ll ask my husband’. That’s cute, but if it becomes a habit people will start questioning your intelligence. That’s why its called Housewife Braindamadge. You might find conversations with these women painful.

If a friend or family member suffers from all these symptoms, its time for an intervention.

If you suffer from all of these, seek help immediatly

In no particular order:

1. Constant mistakes

Making mistakes every now and then is ok. Everyone does that. But constantly f***ing up everything she touches is a sign she is too burnt out to function and needs to drop everything. If she’s failing because she literally can’t physically see, she is massivly burnt out.

2. Needing husbands permission/opinion before you can even move

Like I said before, sometimes the classic ‘traditional gender roles’ can be rather cute. But there is ‘Cute Gender Roles’ and there is ‘purpusfully presenting yourself with the mental age of five just because you have a vagina’. And I have to warn you that this can make your man look a bit like a peadophile.

Let yourself have a brain! No, the bible does not demand that all women must be retarded. How drunk were you when you read it?

You did read it yourself, right? And not just have your husband read it at you and tell you what it means and not let you study it yourself for your own understanding, right?

3. Skipping meals

I’ve put this in here because I myself have seen this. I skip meals because at 100kg, my body can afford it. I also skip meals to pay the power bill. Some skip meals because there literally is no food or money.

There is no other logical reason to skip meals.

I know so many women who literally boast about skipping multiple meals in a day. These are women who are at a good weight, own their own house so they can afford as much food as they want. Yet they are skipping all meals in a day because they don’t even have time to smash a random handful of food into their face.

Is that even healthy?

They’re working, running around the house doing housework, chucking their kids around town, then they hoon their evening activities, overworked and literally starved.

By the way, malnourisment can also starve your brain. It can mess with your emotions, symptom #1 is an absolute guarantee if you are skipping multiple meals. How do you expect to focus if your braincells are literally dieing due to starvation?

I’ve seen women collapse so badly we had to call them an ambulance.

The Drs diagnosis? Exhaustion and starvation.

I’ve seen it happen to multiple women.

How many men have you seen it happen to?

This is one of the things that inspired me to write this. This isn’t a funny, snarky point on this list. I am actually very concerned about this symptom.

Though maybe this is also a cause of HWBD…

4. Severe ‘brain fog’

In my experience, I’ve never heard a man describe brain fog. I just think that’s interesting.

Brain Fog can be caused by many different things.

But if a woman is describing the symptoms of a learning disability as ‘brain fog’ it might be HWBD.

5. Depression and anxiety that suddenly appeared overnight

If she didn’t have depression and anxiety when she was single, it’s possibly part of a much bigger condition. Depression and anxiety are very often symptoms of something else, and only treating them would be like smearing glitter on a dead baby.

6. Narcissism

If left to long, the condition can mutate into Narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy, borderline, co-dependant. One needs to have a certain number of symptoms to be diagnosed with a personality disorder, but regular people can still have a number of symptoms without needing a diagnosis. They’re just called toxic people.

The braincells she is losing is taking her social skills with them.

Consider the example of blocking aisles and paths again. Her entire world is just cleaning, cooking and children. She’s too brain damadged to function outside the house. She’s too brain damadged to socialize with adults. Her ‘needs’ are more important than anyone elses because ‘anyone else’ doesn’t exist, she hasn’t seen an ‘anyone else’ in years.

There could be many reasons a brain-damadged housewife becomes the snotty narcissist. She can’t control you because you are not the child she will probably infantilize for its entire life.

7. Inability to escape Baby Culture

Does she know all the words to Barney songs like she actually enjoys it? Is she playing Peppa Pig on repeat? By herself? Without the kids? This is no longer a mother, it is now a woman that has snapped. Let these women experience things that have nothing to do with babies! FFS!!

And if she’s using the same voice she uses on the baby on grown adults, it’s time something is done about it. She doesn’t know how to talk to adults anymore. Not even her own husband.

8. No intrests outside baby crap and cleaning

Try it yourself. Ask what her favorate music is.

“Husbands and children”

What books do you like to read?

“Hurrr Husbands and Children!”

What kind of animals will you find on a farm?

“Husbands and children!!! Lol!!!!”

Who are you voting for in the next election?

“Husbands and children!!!”

Note how proudly she says it, like she thinks being intellectually-handicapped is an acomplisment she should be rewarded for.

Try forcing her to say something else and watch her have a brain anurism. It’s either disturbing or hilarious, depending on how sick your sense of humour is.

10. Complete refusal to take adult responsibility 

Sometimes women can have some responsibility in this condition.

Do you think she will do anything about it? Lol.

If there is an important responsibility she should be picking it up, expect it to be abandoned over emergency housework, or the kids that dad doesn’t remember the first names of.

You can also expect her to abandon all responsibility for the things that came out of her own womb. Anything her kid does is your fault, especially when you don’t know her or her demon sprog from Adam :/ Expecially when she purpusfully forced her kid to do it.

Look out for traits of an attention whore.

 

But how do we cure such a condition?

Come back next week and I will post ways to cure and even prevent this condition.

 

 

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NZ Stereotypes: The truth!

The Sheep One

This one came from the statistic that at one time there were more sheep than the human population.

According to new studies, there are now more cows here than sheep. So the joke should now be about cows, which some people find more attractive than sheep anyway.

 

Hitchhiking

While watching a video about travelling on a budget, the YouTuber suggested hitchhiking in NZ, because, and I quote: “Everyone does it” here.

Really now?

The only people I’ve ever seen hitchhiking here are foreign hipsters. We never hear anything about them afterwards. And we never talk about them again. What tourist? I didn’t see one.

My dad has been known to do it on occasion, but he is over 6 foot, Celtic Maori and covered in tattoos. So he tends not to have any trouble.

But if you are not from here and want to go hitchhiking, I highly recommend you do it every time you travel. There is an art to it. Here are some tips:

  • For best results go alone. All by yourself.
  • Take any car that pulls over, no matter what it or its driver looks like.
  • Don’t bring a phone or any way to contact the outside world.
  • Don’t tell anyone where you’re going. Drivers know when you have told someone. It’s better if no-one knows where the hell you are.
  • Don’t bring any weapons or anything you could possibly defend yourself with. Because hitchhiking doesn’t work if you can defend yourself.

 

Lord of the Rings

Yes, we all know it was filmed here. Yes, we all know about hobbits. Yes, I saw the first film four times at the cinema. Yes, I collected everything LOTR when I was a teenager. Yes, I thought I was Arowen for two weeks. Then I thought I was Galadreal for about a year. Yes, I was convinced I was going to work for Weta to make the next film. Been there, done that. We already know. Shut up.

The truth: The entire country isn’t just one filming location waiting for the next movie. We do all have lives outside those damn films.

 

It’s a Tiny Island Country

Already bored of the fat Americans turning up surprised we have cars and roads. This tells me NZ is probably miles ahead of some Western countries as far as development.

The Truth:

Some of your food probably gets shipped straight from here. That’s meat, wines, ciders, beers, fruits and veg.

There are the obvious exports of filming locations etc.

At the moment we are also exporting a number of musicians.

We have a lot to offer. Yes. There are actual people here.

 

It exists only as a holiday tourist attraction

Once again, we have a government, society, culture, lives outside dropping everything to entertain you.

The truth:

This country is currently being choked to death by freeload-campers and begpackers who literally shit all over the environment because the public toilet five steps away were just tooooo faaaaaar for poor little hipster feet.

We have foreign beggers turning up, expecting the country itself to pay for their holiday. They could afford a plane ticket and a crappy van, but somehow not the $10 a night at a motor camp and basic food. They are now bludging off food banks set up for local people that are actually homeless.

Other countries don’t exist for your entertainment. If you come to enjoy what it offers RESPECT IT or stay home!

 

Dare Devils

This country is well known for its daredevil ideas. Bungy Jumping etc.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but we didn’t make those for you.

We made those for ourselves first.

The truth:

By the time we got the first iPhone, it had been obsolete for years.

A lot of towns suffer from severe brain drain: Everyone pisses off the minute they leave school to find work. Leaving entire cities as giant retirement villages because there are no opportunities for anyone else. Using the place as a filming location only goes so far.

Whenever a new trend comes out, we often have to buy it illegally off the internet after searching for it locally for months.

We walk in a bookshop to buy the latest ‘bestseller’. Staff has never heard of it. Movie comes out. Same staff is now obsessed with that same book ‘based on the movie’.

If you want to buy comic books, you have to buy a plane ticket first.

The truth is we are bored! We’re trying to commit suicide. Please help us die.

Facebook

Wattpad

Twitter

 

Nigel’s bucket list

You’ve read the list of possible deaths for Nigel, now Nigel wrote a list of things Nigel has to do before that.

  • Meet the Queen
  • Travel further than Australia
  • Move out of Nilson…I mean Nelson
  • Earn enough so that Nigel’s Dole money is cut off (Nigel really wants to know what it’s like to do something for money)
  • Post more than just lists on Nigel’s blog
  • Finish that quilting project
  • Publish that book
  • Hi-5 as many people as Nigel can
  • Think of more things to put on this list

…well that’s a lot of things to do before Nigel dies…Nigel is nervous…

Nigel’s death list

A list of possible ways that Nigel will die! Some of them are ways that Nigel wants to die. Others…not so much.

Nigel’s Death List

  • Asthma attack (Probably the most likely)
  • A result of something caused by the nails on Nigel’s right hand (The nails on 3rd and pinky are the longest!)
  • It’s too hard for someone to find a vacuum cleaner after 2011 (Nigel’s reactions are questionable and possibly go beyond ‘just allergies’ and one or more nearly led to serious injury.)
  • Overly privileged car drivers (Nigel has never tried for a license let alone driven a car properly. Nigel doesn’t trust cars yet)
  • Diet related (Diabetes being the most likely the way Nigel is going)
  • Cancer (Bowel cancer runs in Nigel’s family. Another reason to keep an eye on diet)
  • Alone 😦 (There are many things in Nigel’s house that terrify Nigel. Mostly cutlery and electrical things, but also the shelves. Nelson is due for earthquake and remembering what happened to poor Christchurch…)
  • Assassination attempt (For when Nigel becomes a rich and powerful ruler of the world
  • Some sort of incident to do with the process of building a nuclear warhead out of paperclips and chewing gum (Before Nigel becomes a rich and powerful leader)
  • The cat…(is 9kg…)

15 Reasons why Nigel really needs to blog

1. To show off crap Nigel made

As you all should know, Nigel likes to make things. Right now Nigel is into quilting.

2. To practice writing

Which is a good idea if Nigel wants to be published someday

3. Nigel is an attention whore and wants to be world famous

‘Nuff said.

4. This blog is a last resort to cure Nigel’s severe lonelyness

😦

5. To get feedback from people all over the world.

Come on, be honest! Nigel needs to come to grips with reality.

6. Nigel needs money

No really. Nigel has no proper source of income right now. Can Nigel make money with a blog?

7. To tell Nigel’s family stuff

Send money.

8. Nigel is looking

Single! 🙂 Likes cats! A little hard to feed but doesn’t care if you don’t walk it.

9. Using this blog to plug everything Nigel does

Preforming at the Last Night of the Proms tomorrow night! Singing in a Barbershop chorus! I made some stuff! Selling succulents! ect!

10. As a platform for Nigel’s fundamental and extreme opinions

Cats are better than dogs. End of argument.

11. As a place to put videos that Nigel will procrastinate in making

Nigel wants to make videos…when Nigel gets around to it.

12. Post pictures

Nigel has an attractive face. No really.

13. Show off Nigel’s pets

Two cats. One dog. My place doesn’t allow cats or dogs…so I downgraded to their natural prey…two mice.

14. It gives Nigel something to do in the day

In between choir practice on Thursday night, volunteer work on Friday and church Sunday night (if Nigel hasn’t procrastinated it) Nigel is bored.

15. It stops Nigel from procrastinating things

Or is that…makes Nigel procrastinate things? Whatevs. Nigel will figure it out later.

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