Category Archives: Disability and Autism

Autistics Can’t Redux

A while ago I wrote Autistics Can’t a project to test the curses spoken over us to see if there were any truth to them. A lot has changed since then. Here is my updated list including where I am at with each entry.

This time I will give the entries a rating depending on the amount of truth in them.

 

Autistics Can’t:

 

Drive

Just got my Restricted Licence two days ago. I can now legally drive with my husband as a passenger, even while he doesn’t have a license. This has suddenly flung open the doors for opportunities I have been starved of.

For me this was a matter of whether or not I can ‘handle’ things. The only way I can correctly deal with this is to actually test to confirm one way or another, then I move forward with that info. Usually the only way I can do this is by not telling anyone.

Not testing is just a waste of life to me.

I just drove to the mall by myself yesterday. I know many other autistics who have their learners or restricted. I know many who have no license at all. Why is the driving process so slow for autistics? Is it actually related to autism itself? I give this entry a rating of Whopping Porkies.

 

Get a Job/Get Paid

 

I have worked just for experience. Never been paid a cent for a regular day job. Though I know a number of autistics who are hopping in and out of jobs to grab pay, waiting to be replied to, getting fired for no reason, chasing the next part-time/contract, in and out of low pay menial jobs because no-one else will hire them.

I haven’t truly tested this one yet. I give this a rating of Untested.

 

Travel

 

My husband and I just recently visited Christchurch for a week. We crashed at his dads house and went in and out of town on the bus by ourselves. We got on the plane by ourselves. We packed our own luggage.

Before that we spent 5 days in Queenstown for our honeymoon. That’s catching multiple planes on our own. Finding where to get picked up from the airport on our own. Staying at the holiday home on our own. Walking to town on our own. Do you get the picture yet? It is because of this honeymoon that my husband got into his head that he doesn’t want anymore live in carers. I say, lets not do anything too fast. But all this is a fair indication of how well the two of us can travel. And we hope to travel more. When we have the money.

I give this a rating of Absolute Bullsh!t

 

Publish a book

 

Still writing it. I plan to actually chase down some agents overseas though.

Though I know of many autistics who have written books (and I’ve read them) I give this entry a rating of Untested.

 

Own a home

 

I married into owning a house. Does that count?

I give this a rating of I’m Irrelevant.

 

Get Married

 

Oh piss off. Don’t tell me you got this far through the list and don’t know my rating for this one.

If you want to know how valid ‘Autistics Can’t Get Married’ is ask my husband.
I give this a rating of Piss off, Lying POS

 

Have Sex

 

Lol.

I give this a well tested rating of Shut Your Lying Gob

 

Other optional entries Just Coz:

 

  • Get a tattoo
  • Go to the Armageddon expo
  • Have work in the Art Expo, Nelson
  • Create something for the Arts Festival
  • Visit New Orleans
  • Cosplay!
  • Visit England and Scotland
  • Have a real art studio
  • Attend a Sweet Adelines International Convention
  • Get my ears pierced again
  • Run a buisness
  • Dye my hair purple

 

Past Well Tested Acheivments

 

Live independantly

Finish school


If you have tried this yourself please leave a comment!

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The Truth About Getting Hitched While Disabled

From my own personal experience, as I just got married a bit more than 2 weeks ago. I learned a number of things that I am surprised aren’t being talked about outside the disability community. (But then, Mainstream is always painfully, and sometimes dangerously late to the bandwagon)

So here is the one blog post where I overshare the most. This intro was your final warning, lol.

 

Yes. We have sex, FFS

Disabled people get randy AF. I’ve heard Downs will go at it like rabbits.

Disabled people shag. Get over it. Wheelchair users use the disabled toilets more often for a root than for its intended purpose. I can’t back that statement up, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it were true.

Can we stop pretending that all disabled people are asexual? And when it is bought up, its played as a joke, like its funny that disabled people actually know how to shag. Or it’s played as some shocking drama about disabled people having sex! Should they have sex? Lets wrap the entire plot around disabled people and concent! Or the story ends sadly because disabled people shagging arent allowed to have a happy ending. (Not a pun, shut up.) The only joke here should be at the expense of abled people, for being so retarded that disability and shagging is still shocking to them.

 

The ‘Achievment‘ of marriage in general

An achievement for an able bodied person is finding the right kind of person for them to settle down with, find the right home, create an empire with their partner quickly, have a few kids, retire in a nice house surrounded by their memories together.

An ‘achievement’ for a disabled person is getting married at all.

Should it be though?

Should a common comment in speeches at my wedding be “I’m surprised anyone bothered to marry him/her”?

Because we share the same interests?

Because we are concerned about the same things?

How about just because he’s cute?

Why should this be the same for any milestone of adulthood that we finally reach years too late?

 

The prep

I’m not talking about the venue. I’m not talking about the dress. I’m not talking about the guest list.

I’m talking about constantly in and out and in and out and in and out of the WINZ office for months. I’m talking about the meetings and meetings and meetings at meetings with everyones team of support workers to bash out your care needs plan, which will probably be chucked out the minute you get home from your honeymoon because it is now irrelevant and useless.

I’m talking about cancelling everything for the entire day so you can sit in the WINZ office for hours while WINZ completely contradicts what they told you last week.

And the prep doesn’t end after you get married. We’ve probably spent more time in the WINZ office than planning the actual wedding.

 

Marriage ‘Equallity’

Finally in 2018, gay couples have the legal right to marry. You are all cheering.

So when do disabled people get ours?

“But…” you all scream “It’s not illigal for disabled people to get married!”

Is it not?

Some couples literally can’t get married. After benefit cuts, they’re suddenly earning less than what they had when they were single. Did yo miss the paragraph about our entire marriage prep being spent in and out of the WINZ office? And with many other roadblocks to marriage that reek of eugenics, I fail to see how disabled people could possibly have marriage equality in 2018. Most disability marriages end in divorce, even though their relationship is perfectly fine because both parties will be better off financially. So don’t insult me with that joke about disabled folk having ‘marriage equality’. What equality?

 

There is a lot more I can say about marriage, but I think its all for another post. Thanks for reading!

What I’ve Learned About Employment While Disabled

Sorry for the hiatus. I will be back to weekend posts again now.

Employment while Disabled. Lol good joke.

But to be more serious here is what I have learned about Employment while being disabled.

I’ve been disabled since birth, so safe to say I’ve learned everything.

 

Decades of flinging CVs at a wall

That’s decades, not years. Yes, you really can spend decades just throwing your CV into someone else’s rubbish bin. Finding a type of job you can physically do is like pulling teeth. Then you actually have to get hired, which will be years of flinging your CV around and getting complete silence in response. By the time you find a place that actually has space for more staff, you have been starved of employment for so long that you have no experience so they won’t hire you anyway. At that point, questions about the decade-long gaps in your CV are absolutely redundant and are yet another roadblock to employment.

Your other option is volunteering to gain experience. That means years of unpaid work. That means literally eating ‘experience’. But the experience is good though. But I have yet to see it make much difference, besides the fact I finally got responses from my CV flinging. All responses being ‘Nah’.

Then you change your strategy to flinging your CV at jobs that you can’t physically do, some of which might even put you in hospital. At a certain point, you are so desperate to grab the cash that you are literally putting your health at risk.

Then your final stratagy is to grab any illegal work that you can reach. Because those drug lords and pimps are the first people that ever paid you in 20 years so…

I have yet to meet any disabled people who suddenly had a job paying a living wage the minute they left school. If there were any, they’ve all been burned at the stake for being witches.

Eyeballing every cent that goes in

If your disabled, chances are you might be on the dole just to prevent yourself from going homeless.

But if you are a witch or something and managed to get paid and are stupid enough to declare it to the WINZ office (eye roll), you have to physically eyeball every cent you are being paid. If one cent too much goes in, bye dole. They can cut your benefit, or rip it from you completely. You are now sitting on your paid income for all your living expenses, which may not even pay you enough to eat three meals a day, let alone any rent or bills.

What is a saving? Is that some new food or…? Almost illegal when you are on the dole. Mine is treated as an emergency fund for when my bank account gets hogged by a power bill. That also means no inheritance, no gifts, no small loans of a million dollars.

One way to save yourself from trouble is to quickly spend whatever savings you have before you have to declare it. That will of course mean you will never have savings above a certain amount, which will trap you exactly where you are. The best thing to do is to empty it into bills, morgages and debts. At least that will look like you know your priorities when it comes to finances.

Another option is to not declare certain ‘incomes’. I don’t know how safe that is in some cases, you can still get into legal trouble depending. But you do not deserve to lose your benifit after a one-off sale of a piece of furniture on trademe or that one time you sold some crafts for $5 each at a bootmarklet. Not worth declaring.

Poverty 22 cycle

Employment is very much part of the poverty cycle.

Need car to get job. With what money? Where do you get money? The job you can’t get to without a car. Round and round and round.

Need this much experience to be hired. Experience doesn’t come out of thin air and sometimes education isn’t free. At least you can work for experience for free, but it won’t put food on the table. Round and round and round and round.

Lived for ears in a house that gets zero sun, goes to work in zero sun. Lack of sun hogs your energy, you’ve had one continueous cold for years. Thus you cannot work at your full ability, you will never get a promotion or a raise. You will never save up for better accommodation that will give you more energy to work better. Round and round and round and round and round.

You can only afford cheap, fatty, sugar crammed foods that pile on your weight and hog your energy. You will never reach your full potential with that energy, thus will never earn enough to afford real food. And the gym isn’t free either. Round and round and round and round and round and round and round.

Not to mention the guaranteed depression. That would take up a whole new post.

Roadblocks

So you have a car, you have experience to plaster all over your CV, you have the CV to fling around. You might have even worked out a specific job that you can easily do. The end. You go no futher into employment than this stage because now it’s up to the employer to decide if you get a job. You’ve done your side, now they have to do theirs. Then there is a thing called discrimination. Good luck.

What’s a paycheck?

Is it a food? A new kind of book or game? No seriously.

I’ve had friends and fam working for free because businesses ‘couldn’t afford’ them. Does this happen to able-bodied people???

Can we eat ‘store credit’ or ‘staff discount’???

Disability isn’t the cause of unemployment

Our disabilities don’t put us in poverty. Some of us CAN work and have our CVs in our hands ready to wave in your face.

If you’re not hiring, you can’t winge when we bludge off your taxes. You can’t have it both ways.

People on disability are there because they aren’t disabled enough to be on disability

When you think about it this actually does make perfect sense.

Someone may be only slightly disabled. Enough that they can’t stand up for long periods of time. They CAN and WANT TO work. And yet they are still unemployed. And the dole still accepts them as entitled to some benefits. So why are they there?

What are the jobs available to someone in my area with no skills, no experience and no car? Maccas, Supermarket, apple picking, road building, heavy lifting, running around all day, standing and standing and standing and standing. They pay peanuts, but we would grab them if we could physically do them. That’s if. Not everyone can just stand there for more than 10 minutes without running from chair to chair. The jobs that we are absolutely screaming for are sit down jobs. We’ve never seen one. And if we don’t see them, we can’t ask for them. And if they do exist, once again, education isn’t free. And even if you can afford it, the doors will be slammed in your face for some random reason anyway.

 

This is the endless network of cycles keeping disabled people in poverty, preventing them from growing, preventing them from gaining human status. How much have we changed since Nazi Germany? I haven’t seen much.

All I can say now is when I do get paid there will be a massive blog post from me.

For people like us, the achievement isn’t getting that promotion, buying a sports car and retiring to your mansion by the beach. For us, the achievement is getting paid AT ALL.

Disability Day of Mourning

On this years Day of Mourning, one of my favourite Disability Activists posted a video:

On days like this, I always have a lot of questions.

How is it that we are asking people nicely to act like a human being raised in civilized society and NOT abuse and murder their own children? As if we need to say our please, thank yous, keep our elbows off the table, drink with our pinky in the air before we can expect to live without violence directed at us every day?

Not being abused is a right, not a privilege. Even pigs are entitled to that right, and we eat those!!

Can you still be considered a parent if you are responsible for the death of your own child? Doesn’t that completely contradict the definition of being a mother/father? I would have thought the #1 rule of parenthood was to keep the little one alive for as long as possible. Even brain-dead goldfish know this. And we as a species walked on the moon. So we have the mental capacity to keep a child alive. Murdering your own child is no accident.

Anyone can make a baby. It’s not Quantum Physics. You don’t need a PhD to have sex. Parenthood is another thing entirely. I’ve never tried it myself, but it looks like a very long, complicated job. It’s more than just biology. So is murdering your own kid. I don’t know what high school class that is taught in.

My last question is one that comes up for me every year. And every year the sheer logic of it gives me a brain haemorrhage.

How TF are these sperm and egg donors plastered all over the media as the victims???

Does the media not know how murder works?

It’s usually the dead one in a murder case that is considered the victim. Or are police all over the world wrong?

But we are talking about disabled murder victims. People who have zero ways to defend themselves. So of course in these cases, everything needs to be backwards. The abused and murdered disabled person who probably suffered massively towards the end of their life are the criminals.

Then watch the real criminals cry and whine all over the TV and news blogs, earning more and more money with every interview that enables their pathological behaviour. Just listen to much they suffered! Because that’s what parenting is all about, it’s all about the parents wingeing and feefees, and nothing, zero about the safety and well-being of the actual child.

This ‘parent’ is a psychopath. The media is their enabler, and possibly a psychopath also. And if the media is contributing to these deaths, I would not be surprised anymore.

Disability rights is LAW. The disability community shouldn’t have to ask for these rights, let alone scream for decades until we get it: The safety we are legally entitled to.

Amythest is asking too nicely. I think we need to go back to screaming. The deaf community can already hear us and are screaming with their hands. Why can’t all of you hear us?

Why I’m not going to answer your autism question

I don’t get any question on this blog itself. I am lucky if I get one comment a year. But I follow many autism groups on facebook and other places and I am trying to get more out there.

But I have noticed a trend in what passes for ‘questions’ in these groups and pages.

I do answer the odd question if its a good one. But some I have given up because I just don’t have time and energy anymore.

  1. Lets talk about your spelling

I understand a few spelling mistakes if they aren’t completely atrocious. I’m writing this blog post and just posted an entire novel onto Wattpad. I can barely spell myself. (That being said, if there is any mention of my spelling in the comments, your only response will be STFU. Irrelevant)

But you have just barged into an autism group blithering about some condition called ‘assburgers’. WTF is that??? What do you expect us to know about it? This is an autism page, not a page for rude sandwiches.

If it was perhaps A-S-P-E-R-G-E-R-S you were talking about: If it is you or your child that has been diagnosed with it, you should know how to spell it by now as it should be written down somewhere. But then again, you posted about ‘assburgers’ in a group where the correct spelling of the condition can be found in the title of the group. You have no excuse. It’s a mans last name FFS.

Also I will remind you of all the bullying autistics go though in there entire childhood (and then what continues on into adulthood, lets be honest). Guess which slur is used against children with AsPergers? Yup. And you’ve just slapped that very slur into a facebook post for AsPPPPPergers. Thanks for the PTSD flashback, we really appreciate it. That might be why you’re getting radio silence in response to your question.

So I won’t be answering your question because I doubt that you can even read it. I will leave it to someone who has the time to use really short words.

  1. TMI.

I’m not answering your question because I haven’t got to it yet, as it is buried under pages and pages of TMI, and have yet to even see how it relates to your question.

We get all different kinds of oversharing vomit on our autism pages. We autistics are well know for our long-winded oversharing skills.

This isn’t about the autistics that overshare.

As there is one very special kind of TMI I have reserved this entry on the list for.

Why why why why OH WHY do I need to read pages of very detailed, graphic descriptions of your child TAKING A SHIT???

Why do we need to read this?

Why does your child need this information plastered all over autism groups/pages/blogs?

And why so detailed about every aspect of a child taking a dump?

Even when you’ve cowardly hidden behind ‘Anonymous’ but still faaaaaaaaa!

Is even worse when it is your blog post. I’m sorry, I have to say it. You do not write an autism blog. You write glorified child fetish porn. You aren’t asking a question. There is actually something dodgy going on here.

So I am not answering your question because I suspect it is just pedophilic poo fetish porn with a question mark slapped on the end of it, not a question. And everyone who read it just vomited, so if you did intend for it to be a question, you don’t deserve an answer. You on your own.

Speaking of TMI and (and your obvious crap fetish)

  1. You have mistaken this page/group as a GP office

True there will be a few actual GPs reading your ‘question’. Some of which may also be autistic. But if you are living in a first world country, you know where to find a GP. And in most cases doctor visits for children are completely free.

People in a facebook group/forum don’t have the time/enough information/qualifications to diagnose and treat everything your child has that is irrelevant to autism.

GO TO YOUR GP.

And speaking of that…

  1. Your question is completely and utterly irrelevant to autism

(blinks) …sorry what do you expect a page dedicated to autism to like…do…about your problem that is completely irrelevant to autism?

Go re-read 2 and 3.

Autism isn’t a poo disease. It’s not a cough. It’s not a mental illness. It’s not a broken leg.

GO. TO. A. GP.

  1. Someone in the situation you have described needs urgent, emergency mental help yesterday, and it isn’t your child

Looking at the small amount of information you have made available about your situation…your autistic loved one is reacting in a way that would be completely natural and normal even for a neurotypical.

However, your post is paragraphs and paragraphs of shrieking about this and that what the autistic has done, then blaming your reactions and behaviors on the autistic.

Eww.

This is called gaslighting.

THIS. IS. ABUSE.

GET. HELP. NOW.

But leave the autistic at home. Because it is not them that needs urgent, emergency mental help. Honeybunn, if you are slow enough to not have figured it out already, its you. And if that is the case, that poor mental health professional has a lot of hard work ahead of them.

After all that, the autistic may need mental help themselves anyway, to get over the abuse they have suffered from you. They may need help in actually leaving you.

For the sake of the autistic.

And for those who take offense: Don’t blame your audience for actually seeing all the red flags in your so called ‘question’. We’re autistic, not stupid.

  1. Your post is basically just bullying with a question mark slapped on the end of it

Don’t complain when you get banned.

Read 1. again.

Next.

  1. You’re trying to write a novel

Which isn’t a bad idea. I would love to publish my novel myself. But maybe try another platform besides dumping the entire thing into a FB post.

We could answer your question, but it took us two days to read it. Maybe come back to us when you’ve shortened it a bit?

This is probably related to the oversharing that I mentioned before,

  1. We aren’t your kindergarten teachers, we’re not going to hold your hand

Everyone on the page/group has lives of their own. None of them really have time to break out the crayons or hold your hand through a basic google ‘I’m feeling lucky’ search.

We get all sorts of interesting questions and discussions on these pages (if its boring, its not an autism page!).

Some questions are extremely important. Perhaps there is an autistic teenager who might have zero support in their real life, waiting decades for the medical community to stop gaslighting them and give them the diagnosis they desperately need, came to the online community to find the first friends they have ever had. They seek to further understand how autism affects them, where to get the support for the countless mental illnesses they have collected trying to cope their entire life without any support, wanting to know if they are alone in their self harm and depression issues.

But then they are buried under piles of

What is autism?

What is autism?

What is autism?

What is autism?

What is autism?

What is autism?

What is autism?

What is autism?

What is autism?

And once again these poor kids are abandoned and ignored, in favor of constantly answering the same boring question over and over. And thus there is no real discussion anymore.

Some communities will have a FAQ. Read them.

And if its already on the FAQ, don’t be surprised if your question gets ignored or even deleted as spam. People in the community don’t have time to answer them anymore,. That might be why its in the FAQ

It is 2017. We’ve had a black man in the whitehouse. We can talk to each other through video on a phone! Smallpox and polio is basically extinct. And what are you reading this on now? We have this amazing tool called the Internet, something my parents generation couldn’t even dream of when they were my age.

If learning about autism is important to you, do your own research. If you can read this, you already have the technology to do so! Some of your questions have been answered to death!

Thus, I can answer your question with a 2 second google. Something you are perfectly capable to do yourself. Or you can pay us.

  1. I suspect your question might be some kind of code for pedophiles and bleach enema cult members to use the forum/page as their own platform.

I don’t know if this is the actual case or not. But while writing some of the previous entries on the list I started to get suspicious.

I know people doing illegal crap can get away with it by using some kind of code in a public forum so they can find each other.

I use pedos and bleach enemists in this example because they are pretty much the same thing.

But yes, if we find something suspicious about your post, we won’t give you the answer you want.

 

And that is just 9 reasons your autism question might not be answered. And to the autistics out there: Just stop answering questions you don’t have time for! It only encourages them.

I could have done 10, but I suffer from a laziness specific to autism so I will finish this sentence tomorrow.

 

Bye Felicia.

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