From my own personal experience, as I just got married a bit more than 2 weeks ago. I learned a number of things that I am surprised aren’t being talked about outside the disability community. (But then, Mainstream is always painfully, and sometimes dangerously late to the bandwagon)
So here is the one blog post where I overshare the most. This intro was your final warning, lol.
Yes. We have sex, FFS
Disabled people get randy AF. I’ve heard Downs will go at it like rabbits.
Disabled people shag. Get over it. Wheelchair users use the disabled toilets more often for a root than for its intended purpose. I can’t back that statement up, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it were true.
Can we stop pretending that all disabled people are asexual? And when it is bought up, its played as a joke, like its funny that disabled people actually know how to shag. Or it’s played as some shocking drama about disabled people having sex! Should they have sex? Lets wrap the entire plot around disabled people and concent! Or the story ends sadly because disabled people shagging arent allowed to have a happy ending. (Not a pun, shut up.) The only joke here should be at the expense of abled people, for being so retarded that disability and shagging is still shocking to them.
The ‘Achievment‘ of marriage in general
An achievement for an able bodied person is finding the right kind of person for them to settle down with, find the right home, create an empire with their partner quickly, have a few kids, retire in a nice house surrounded by their memories together.
An ‘achievement’ for a disabled person is getting married at all.
Should it be though?
Should a common comment in speeches at my wedding be “I’m surprised anyone bothered to marry him/her”?
Because we share the same interests?
Because we are concerned about the same things?
How about just because he’s cute?
Why should this be the same for any milestone of adulthood that we finally reach years too late?
I’m not talking about the venue. I’m not talking about the dress. I’m not talking about the guest list.
I’m talking about constantly in and out and in and out and in and out of the WINZ office for months. I’m talking about the meetings and meetings and meetings at meetings with everyones team of support workers to bash out your care needs plan, which will probably be chucked out the minute you get home from your honeymoon because it is now irrelevant and useless.
I’m talking about cancelling everything for the entire day so you can sit in the WINZ office for hours while WINZ completely contradicts what they told you last week.
And the prep doesn’t end after you get married. We’ve probably spent more time in the WINZ office than planning the actual wedding.
Finally in 2018, gay couples have the legal right to marry. You are all cheering.
So when do disabled people get ours?
“But…” you all scream “It’s not illigal for disabled people to get married!”
Is it not?
Some couples literally can’t get married. After benefit cuts, they’re suddenly earning less than what they had when they were single. Did yo miss the paragraph about our entire marriage prep being spent in and out of the WINZ office? And with many other roadblocks to marriage that reek of eugenics, I fail to see how disabled people could possibly have marriage equality in 2018. Most disability marriages end in divorce, even though their relationship is perfectly fine because both parties will be better off financially. So don’t insult me with that joke about disabled folk having ‘marriage equality’. What equality?
There is a lot more I can say about marriage, but I think its all for another post. Thanks for reading!