Things that will make me walk out of your church

You’re not even Christian

 

You say you’re a church. You call yourselves Christians. Are you sure?

If you’ve been around the church lifestyle for a while, I’m sure you’ve heard of all them people who magically turned into cars after walking into a garage.

Anyone can say they are a Christian and they go to church. It’s too easy. I am a 40 year old gay Chinese man. See, it really works!

But if I don’t see the Christianity, your entire faith is hot air and meaningless mouth noises.

I go to church to see people gathered in the name of Jesus! So let me see it!

There is witchcraft in your church

 

No I don’t mean your church is full of green skinned women whose molecular structure completely disintegrates when it comes into contact with water. It’s 2018. Men can be witches too.

And it’s not just spells either.

Manipulating the world around you in unnatural ways, playing with powers you don’t know anything about and shouldn’t be playing with is witchcraft.

Do you know what is also witchcraft?

Word curses. “You will never do this you can’t do that you are this because of this and that which you have no control over”

You can speak them over yourself and live in unhappiness for the rest of your life.

What’s worse than that is speaking them over someone else. Disgusting. You are purpusfully casting witchcraft over someone.

So before you’re about to speak something like that over someone, shut you gob. Before someone shuts it for you. And that someone might not even be of this world so be careful when playing that dangerous witchcraft game!

 

You got the wrong spirit

 

Why is everyone rolling on the floor screaming?

Yeh, you have a spirit alright. There’s a chance it might not be the Holy one though. Haven’t seen him yet, but so far I have seen a Kundilini.

As I said in #1, anyone can say they are anything. There’s no reason this wouldn’t apply to spirits too.

So make sure you can recognise which spirits are in your church and only allow the ones you truly want.

And if you lie to and gaslight me about which spirit is in front of my face, bye. Your church could be dangerous.

You’ve set yourself up to fail in your ministries

 

I’m not talking about the pastorship or the elders or all the little things you’re doing outside the church. No, its not the music team either.

It’s your background workers. The backbone of your church. The ‘little people’ that actually keep the church running. I’m talking about the cleaners and the coffee bitches. I’m talking about the arthritic ushers that have been standing up for an hour before the service even started and need to take a sabbath or two in the days after. Oh, you thought the Sunday was the sabbath for these people? LOL!

Make sure the jobs are well allocated. If I see 10 jobs dumped onto one person, you no longer have a management role in the church. The job is now going to 83 year old Deidre who brings her three cats to church in a shopping cart and shows you the same Brag Book of her gay grandson every week, which is actually just filled with magizine cuttouts of five different celebrities. I think she will do a better job. Go sit in the back of the church and read your bible again while the adults are discussing the running of the church building.

If your team members are not respected, I’m not coming back to your church unless I’m bringing popcorn to watch the thing collapse in front of your face. Probably with the camera on my phone so that I can post it to a cringe compilation later.

Your healings/prophecies are fake

 

As a member of the disability community, I’ve met every fake healer in my country. I have yet to see a real healing in my lifetime. I have seen some good performances on stage, but never followed anyone up to see if there actually was any healing. All the ‘healings’ on YT are fake.

Healings from God isn’t a circus trick. God is very much caught up with modern tech, but he doesn’t heal just for a facebook vid.

Yeh, the leg growing trick is cool. Do you know who else I’ve seen doing tricks like that? Psychics who were exposed as fake. Do you know who else does tricks like that? My step-dad, the evangilist. He doesn’t do them as healings though, he does them as amature magic tricks to entertain his kids ministry.

The tricks themselves aren’t a bad thing. They’re actually entertaining. It’s when you lie to your audience that they are legit ‘healings’ that’s going to make me walk out. Lying in church is a nah from me.

All I’ve seen so far are stage shows. The only healing I’ve actually received from God was gradual, and most of my disabilities that have been prayed for have gotten worse anyway.

It’s gotten to the point where I’ve actually started refusing healings.

And since I now believe in the social model of disability, I demand they pray for something else. Like my first job at 28. Or for someone else, like peace and healing for a family member dying of cancer. Or poor little children in Africa. Funny how they never pray for my financial problems, but then shove the chuck bucket in my face. What you need money for, bub?

I have seen some legit prophets though. It might because I’m biased as I’m a massive prophecy nerd. But I’ve seen some legit prophets and I’ve seen fake ones.

I’ve seen prophets prophetizing all over the church. Prophetizing over people that there will be money and cars. That they know someone with a J in their name. Or was it a Z? An M? Anyone have a G in their name? Their prophecies are so legit that I’ve heard multiple fake psychics say the exact thing word for word. And they are all vague enough to apply to everyone so it must be true. And here comes the chuck bucket again.

I have seen prophets that straight up refused to accept any offerings or money from us, and requested that we put our money back into the church or a charity or something. They were always unsure if the word was coming from themself or the Spirit. Their prophecies were very specific and actually came true. Hmmm.

And speaking of chuck buckets.

 

You worship another god

 

You say you worship the God of the bible. Yet the rituals in your church are to other gods. When you offer your people prosperity in this world, then pass the chuck bucket around, you worship the demon god Mammon.

Mammon is the Prince of consumerism and toxic capitalism. He is destroying our culture with gluttony and waste. And he owns your pastors and your churches too.

Watch out for the demon Mammon.

Moloch is in churches also. He is the one they used to sacrifice babies to. I’m not even going to go into how he ended up in our churches.

Jezebel is supposed to be a big one also but I don’t know enough about her yet. She’s related to narcissism. She’s in our churches.

And of course, Lucifer himself is worshiped in your churches. If you know how to find him, you will see him. But he is there in many, many churches.

 

You can’t read

 

If you have a learning disability, I’m not talking to you in this paragraph.

I am talking to you if you act like never reading the bible is an achievement.

I am talking to you if you are ‘quoting verses’ that aren’t even in the bible and can’t even provide book, chapter, verse.

I’m talking to you if you ‘quote’ a verse and we have to ask you which holy text you got that from because the same verse in our bible says the complete opposite.

I’m talking to you if a verse about Jesus chopping onions for his tea is suddenly a commandment to round up all brown people into concentration camps.

Can you even read, bro? Were you high when you read this? How can I trust you if you can’t even read a damn bible?

 

You all smile like Ted Bundy

Honey, take this advice from an autistic: You’re not supposed to smile with your eyes wide open. It terrifies people. Also, having said expression plastered on your face all day is also terrifying. God did not tell you to look like someone just asked you if you killed all those women.

Christianity is not fake positivity. And fake positivity isn’t even healthy. I’ve seen fake positivity in the media. And the level of fake positivity in the church is something else. You’ve probably seen the psychopath/manic smiles in cults, where the signs of fake ‘happyness’ are painful to watch. Yes, some regular Christian churches do look this bad. And yours might be one of them

So I will be literally running from your church because its about to become a cult, or its just run by psychopaths who don’t know how to smile properly.

You’re scaring people away from the truth of Jesus. Do you even want to get the message out?

 

You’re getting zero converts because you can’t even communicate with humans anymore

How are you going to get your message out when you are so isolated that you don’t even speak the same language as the local population?

Yes you are allowed to use modern technology. Entertainment itself won’t send you straight to hell.

Also: It’s 2018. Technology isn’t a tool anymore. It’s part of the culture. We have mass media. The media is now part of our language and how we communicate.

The point of the church is to gather and spread a message. If you hog the message to yourself and can’t even communicate with the people outside your group, you’ve already failed.

 

You’re not a church

 

I’m seeing a lot of things. I’m seeing money making. I’m seeing gossip. I’m seeing judgment. I’m seeing mass hysteria probably caused by illegal drugs. I’m seeing enabeling of mental illness. Not seeing a lot of churching.

 

I’m glad I found the church I’m in and I can see great things in its future. But there are a lot of toxic things in church culture that we can probably afford to dump.

 

I try to post every weekend.

I also have a facebook

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