The Sheep One
This one came from the statistic that at one time there were more sheep than the human population.
According to new studies, there are now more cows here than sheep. So the joke should now be about cows, which some people find more attractive than sheep anyway.
While watching a video about travelling on a budget, the YouTuber suggested hitchhiking in NZ, because, and I quote: “Everyone does it” here.
The only people I’ve ever seen hitchhiking here are foreign hipsters. We never hear anything about them afterwards. And we never talk about them again. What tourist? I didn’t see one.
My dad has been known to do it on occasion, but he is over 6 foot, Celtic Maori and covered in tattoos. So he tends not to have any trouble.
But if you are not from here and want to go hitchhiking, I highly recommend you do it every time you travel. There is an art to it. Here are some tips:
- For best results go alone. All by yourself.
- Take any car that pulls over, no matter what it or its driver looks like.
- Don’t bring a phone or any way to contact the outside world.
- Don’t tell anyone where you’re going. Drivers know when you have told someone. It’s better if no-one knows where the hell you are.
- Don’t bring any weapons or anything you could possibly defend yourself with. Because hitchhiking doesn’t work if you can defend yourself.
Lord of the Rings
Yes, we all know it was filmed here. Yes, we all know about hobbits. Yes, I saw the first film four times at the cinema. Yes, I collected everything LOTR when I was a teenager. Yes, I thought I was Arowen for two weeks. Then I thought I was Galadreal for about a year. Yes, I was convinced I was going to work for Weta to make the next film. Been there, done that. We already know. Shut up.
The truth: The entire country isn’t just one filming location waiting for the next movie. We do all have lives outside those damn films.
It’s a Tiny Island Country
Already bored of the fat Americans turning up surprised we have cars and roads. This tells me NZ is probably miles ahead of some Western countries as far as development.
Some of your food probably gets shipped straight from here. That’s meat, wines, ciders, beers, fruits and veg.
There are the obvious exports of filming locations etc.
At the moment we are also exporting a number of musicians.
We have a lot to offer. Yes. There are actual people here.
It exists only as a holiday tourist attraction
Once again, we have a government, society, culture, lives outside dropping everything to entertain you.
This country is currently being choked to death by freeload-campers and begpackers who literally shit all over the environment because the public toilet five steps away were just tooooo faaaaaar for poor little hipster feet.
We have foreign beggers turning up, expecting the country itself to pay for their holiday. They could afford a plane ticket and a crappy van, but somehow not the $10 a night at a motor camp and basic food. They are now bludging off food banks set up for local people that are actually homeless.
Other countries don’t exist for your entertainment. If you come to enjoy what it offers RESPECT IT or stay home!
This country is well known for its daredevil ideas. Bungy Jumping etc.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but we didn’t make those for you.
We made those for ourselves first.
By the time we got the first iPhone, it had been obsolete for years.
A lot of towns suffer from severe brain drain: Everyone pisses off the minute they leave school to find work. Leaving entire cities as giant retirement villages because there are no opportunities for anyone else. Using the place as a filming location only goes so far.
Whenever a new trend comes out, we often have to buy it illegally off the internet after searching for it locally for months.
We walk in a bookshop to buy the latest ‘bestseller’. Staff has never heard of it. Movie comes out. Same staff is now obsessed with that same book ‘based on the movie’.
If you want to buy comic books, you have to buy a plane ticket first.
The truth is we are bored! We’re trying to commit suicide. Please help us die.