Monthly Archives: September 2011

Vampire movies and dangerous expectations

Nigel has just started watching True Blood.

Well let’s just say…it’s obviously just Twatlight Twilight with an R rating.

Now there are two things Nigel has to seriously talk about in regards to this show and other things like it.

The first thing:

Portraying or dressing actors up as vampires.

Ok. Nigel thinks the pale skin thing looks really cool, the special effects for the super vampire speed is cool. But that is not what we make a beeline for when making someone a vampire. So what is the first thing we need when we want to make someone look like a vampire? That’s right vampire fans: TEETH! Being the first and most obvious thing, it is also the first thing you will need to make convincing.

But have you noticed something? All the vampires all have the same accent or speak the same language. To the point where you can hardly understand a word they are saying. And have you ever seen one with their mouth shut?

Nigel has seen some really convincing vampire teeth. The Underword trilogy has some very convincing vampire teeth.Almost undistinguishable from normal teeth. And guess what? Selena (the greatest female hero on the planet)  can actually talk without that disgusting muffle and I’ve actually seen her with her mouth closed!

Nigel has seen people that go to the dentist to have their teeth capped to look like vampire fangs. It hasn’t changed their speech either.

True Blood obviously made theirs out of cardboard or bought those $2 glow in the dark ones. Yes, Nigel has noticed a massive difference in the vampires normal speech, and the speech impediment they suddenly develop the moment their fangs appear. Their teeth clearly don’t fit properly!

Non-fitting vampire teeth are extremely common in those crappy 90s TV shows for kids. It is now 2011, has fake vampire teeth technology moved at all? And Nigel thinks a show clearly aimed at adults would know better…

Nigel would like to see people in charge of costumes and makeup work harder on realistic vampire teeth.

The second thing:

The show is ok. The main characters could be better though…

The lady: All the symptoms of a major Mary-Sue.

Everyone either loves her or wants to kill her. Check

Everyone needs to protect her. Check

Her parents are dead. Check

Special power she considers a curse. Check.

Always running off by herself right into a clearly dangerous area, get’s surprised when she is in danger, then always needs to be rescued by a vampire. Check.

Her vampire bf: All the symptoms of a passive-aggressive and abusive twat.

Being attracted to pale skinned, tall dark and handsome men is a great thing. Being attracted to someone because they display a lot of red flags in the relationship and calls it ‘protecting you’ is a sign you probably shouldn’t be breeding.

Either the chick has serious issues that she should see someone about immediately, or she’s as dumb as a sack of bricks.

There are actually woman on this planet who have dumped boyfriends and husbands because they are not exactly like this man. That’s healthy…

Reader, you may or may not like True Blood…but Nigel isn’t that into the characters. They’re all stupid. Nigel loves vampires and things like that…but Nigel feels that True Blood could do a lot more with the vampires.

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Nigel’s Rugby Post

Hi it’s Nigel again.

Rugby is everywhere now. Guess what Nigel’s favorite team is! All Blacks!

Nigel doesn’t watch very much sports, but Nigel has heard that the All Blacks have done well so far.

It’s fun seeing all the flags and supporters though. And Nigel simply had to watch the opening ceremony! We should celebrate like this more often!

One of Nigel’s favourite things about the rugby are the wee flags you often see stuck in cars. Nigel imagines that these flags would be a million dollar industry! We could make more flags! Pink Floyd flags! Battlestar Galactica flags! Flags of your favourite animal! If they made Lady Gaga flags Nigel would by 40 million of them and stick them all over the house! And flags supporting your favourite religions figure or belief system! Though Nigel wonders what an Athiest would have on their flag…

So anyway. Yay my favourite team! Nigel can’t wait to hear from friends how the All Blacks  are doing!

This might be the one and only time Nigel uses ‘sports’ as a tag…

Nigel’s living arrangments

Hi, It’s Nigel again.

So Nigel just found out that we all have to move by December. Nigel hasn’t started looking for a new place yet and Nigel probably needs one. Preferably one suitable for an artist/writer and be close to city centre. Or at least near a good bus stop close to the city centre. And it also must allow pets.

Let’s just say don’t expect any posts when this happens. Nigel is lucky to see any internet at all regardless if it’s set up properly for at least two or three months.

…the end…

Nigel’s bucket list

You’ve read the list of possible deaths for Nigel, now Nigel wrote a list of things Nigel has to do before that.

  • Meet the Queen
  • Travel further than Australia
  • Move out of Nilson…I mean Nelson
  • Earn enough so that Nigel’s Dole money is cut off (Nigel really wants to know what it’s like to do something for money)
  • Post more than just lists on Nigel’s blog
  • Finish that quilting project
  • Publish that book
  • Hi-5 as many people as Nigel can
  • Think of more things to put on this list

…well that’s a lot of things to do before Nigel dies…Nigel is nervous…

Nigel’s death list

A list of possible ways that Nigel will die! Some of them are ways that Nigel wants to die. Others…not so much.

Nigel’s Death List

  • Asthma attack (Probably the most likely)
  • A result of something caused by the nails on Nigel’s right hand (The nails on 3rd and pinky are the longest!)
  • It’s too hard for someone to find a vacuum cleaner after 2011 (Nigel’s reactions are questionable and possibly go beyond ‘just allergies’ and one or more nearly led to serious injury.)
  • Overly privileged car drivers (Nigel has never tried for a license let alone driven a car properly. Nigel doesn’t trust cars yet)
  • Diet related (Diabetes being the most likely the way Nigel is going)
  • Cancer (Bowel cancer runs in Nigel’s family. Another reason to keep an eye on diet)
  • Alone 😦 (There are many things in Nigel’s house that terrify Nigel. Mostly cutlery and electrical things, but also the shelves. Nelson is due for earthquake and remembering what happened to poor Christchurch…)
  • Assassination attempt (For when Nigel becomes a rich and powerful ruler of the world
  • Some sort of incident to do with the process of building a nuclear warhead out of paperclips and chewing gum (Before Nigel becomes a rich and powerful leader)
  • The cat…(is 9kg…)

15 Reasons why Nigel really needs to blog

1. To show off crap Nigel made

As you all should know, Nigel likes to make things. Right now Nigel is into quilting.

2. To practice writing

Which is a good idea if Nigel wants to be published someday

3. Nigel is an attention whore and wants to be world famous

‘Nuff said.

4. This blog is a last resort to cure Nigel’s severe lonelyness

😦

5. To get feedback from people all over the world.

Come on, be honest! Nigel needs to come to grips with reality.

6. Nigel needs money

No really. Nigel has no proper source of income right now. Can Nigel make money with a blog?

7. To tell Nigel’s family stuff

Send money.

8. Nigel is looking

Single! 🙂 Likes cats! A little hard to feed but doesn’t care if you don’t walk it.

9. Using this blog to plug everything Nigel does

Preforming at the Last Night of the Proms tomorrow night! Singing in a Barbershop chorus! I made some stuff! Selling succulents! ect!

10. As a platform for Nigel’s fundamental and extreme opinions

Cats are better than dogs. End of argument.

11. As a place to put videos that Nigel will procrastinate in making

Nigel wants to make videos…when Nigel gets around to it.

12. Post pictures

Nigel has an attractive face. No really.

13. Show off Nigel’s pets

Two cats. One dog. My place doesn’t allow cats or dogs…so I downgraded to their natural prey…two mice.

14. It gives Nigel something to do in the day

In between choir practice on Thursday night, volunteer work on Friday and church Sunday night (if Nigel hasn’t procrastinated it) Nigel is bored.

15. It stops Nigel from procrastinating things

Or is that…makes Nigel procrastinate things? Whatevs. Nigel will figure it out later.

Hello. This is Nigel.

This is Nigel the Dragon. I just wanted to make a first post for you all. This is a brand new blog written by me, Nigel.

Firstly: My name is Nigel. This is my blog. Hi.

Secondly: I am a crippled dragon. I spend a lot of time in my cave. I live with two cute mice.

Thirdly: Sometimes I like to pretend I’m a human. It’s very hard to do as you might notice.

Fourthly: I am trying to be a writer. I’ve started the second draft of my first novel. I like writing it. I don’t have many friends, so I made some up in my head. I think that’s how my writing started.

Fifthly: I don’t have a lot to do in the day, so I make new friends for myself. Most of them are paintings and little crafty things. They say I’m good with my hands, but being a crippled dragon sometimes it takes a while.

Sixthly: …I can’t think of a sixthly right now.

Seventhly: I like music and reading and stuff. A large quantity of my music collection is taken up by classical/showtunes/Pink Floyd music. I like Barbara Streisand and I think Andrew Lloyd Webber is sexy. Do you like music? I also have all the seasons of Battlestar Galactica on DVD.

Eighthly: Maggie the mouse thinks I’m weird.

…I’ve lost count now so I will post more stuff later.

This is a first post so I don’t expect a large amount of fans just yet. I hope I will continue this blog, but don’t get your hopes up. Sometimes I have a short attention span.

I will try to make this blog interesting. So if you are interested in reading about stuff like in this post, you can read this blog if you want.

# First post!

(I still have to figure out what # is for. I’m probably not using it right.)

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