I have returned again with the rest of that post. Last time I went over the definition, causes and symptoms. Today is a bit more positive because there is still hope for those suffering from HWBD.
Cures for this can be easy, with hardly any work involved. Or they could be impossible, depending on many different factors.
There are probably an endless amount of cures but I’m just going to go over a few basic ones here.
If you suspect that you might have HouseWife Brain Damage, here are a few things you can do for yourself (note the word I have italicized, bolded and underlined on purpose)
1. Cut your entire schedule
Do you have a planner? Take a pen, go though each day and cancel as many things as you can. If you can’t be trusted with just crossing out, get some scissors. If you find it works, literally cut entire days ou of the book. Some of you might need to rip out entire pages. Some still might need to just burn the whole book. And a few of you might need your husband to do it for you. At this point, this is ok, we all need to start somewhere.
2. Dump housework
Is the housework pile at emergency levels? Is there anyone else living with you? Are they doing nothing? Are they able-bodied? Why aren’t they doing it???
Of a job is someone elses responsibility why are you doing it?????
This is not only bad for you, it’s insulting, if not down right crippling to other people in your family. We have kids going to university not knowing how to fold a towel!!! Who’s fault is that?
3. Dump responsibility onto the man
Unless you’re a paedophile, you man is an adult. He can handle some adult responsibility. Yes, including keeping the house running. Some men have even admitted that they find it insulting when their wives rip basic house skills out of their hands, screaming that he ‘can’t do it’ and ‘never does it’. Ummm, what was he doing before you ripped it out of his hands, honeybun? See, this is an example of Housewife Brain Damage affecting more than just the sufferer.
Some men watched their mothers working full time, then doing all the housework, while their father did no housework at all. For these men, leaving all the housework to the woman actually turns them off! And some of these men might even get off on doing housework for you.
If a man offers to help out around the house, you say yes.
4. Learn other skills
If the only skills you know is how to clean and poop out babies, the situation is urgent! Firstly: Babies don’t come out of your poohole.
There are some basic skills that some women flat out refuse to learn. Skills that everyone should know.
Things like car skills. What to do when the power goes out, what to do in an emergency, how to hang up a picture, how to turn on a computer etc.
Even if it’s just one basic thing you should do before an expert comes in to fix it. If you refuse to do anything until your husband comes home to find it’s gotten worse, you’re an embarassment to everyone.
Purposeful helplessness isn’t a good look and might even be a turn off for some men. It’s 2018, honey, the helpless, winging damsel isn’t a thing anymore. She’s usually the first to get killed off in movies these days because everyone hates her. She annoys everyone with her constant screeching.
Yes, your woman brain has enough space to learn all sorts of different skills. Whoever read the ‘bible’ to you lied.
And seriously, are there women who actually wait until their husband comes home to hang up a damn picture???
5. Dump everything for a year of burnout recovery
This means no housework, no picking up kids and flinging them here and there. This should only be done in very severe cases. But if this is suggested to you by a mental health professional, you’ve probably burnt out massively.
HWBD is a type of burnout.
6. Cut off contact with certain family members
Some relationships/families are highly toxic. HWBD can be caused by toxic people. In some cases, literally, the only solution for that is to cut off contact. If a mental health professional suggests it, definitely consider it. It’s a bloody hard step to take. But if there are people in your life that are contributing to your declining mental health, cutting them out of your life is still an option.
7. Allocate allocate allocate
Actually, google this word yourself. If you’re doing ‘traditional gender roles’, it is the ‘traditional role’ of the wife to be in charge of running the house. That does not mean ‘do everything with no help’. That means making sure it actually gets done. Allocating tasks to someone else is traditionally feminine! It’s also feminist. Yes, you can be both at the same time!
If you don’t have time for it, allocate allocate allocate! Some people in your household will be more than happy to do a few things around the house! Some husbands and kids take great pride in it! If they’re ready to walk through the door of housework, leave it open!!
8. You are not a slave to your own children
This is just depressing. Children can do basic tasks around the house. Even if you have to do it again because they messed it up because they’re kids. You don’t exist to do all the housework for your kids. And if someone expects you to do so, there are a few words for that. One of them is ‘abuse’.
9. Divorce, then sign a slave contract
This one sounds weird, just hear me out.
Or read. I forgot this was text…
A marriage is a partnership. Think of a busness partnership. Similar…but very different. You are partners in running your family, your household ect.
Some married couples are even busness partners with each other. Imagine that.
Imagine seeing your husband/wife 24/7. Even at work.
Sorry to spring that short, one line horror story at you. Was it scary? I’m trying to get better at story writing.
Back on topic, busness partners tend to be equals. Busness partnerships where one is ranked higher than the other is not a buisness partnership. That’s called a boss/employee relationship.
Marriage is the same. It is not one sitting on top of the other. They are on the same level, beside each other. A woman is not less than or below a man, she is different! (once again, whoever read the bible at you fed you a load of porkies. Did you make sure they were actually reading from the bible and not just holding a dictionary in their hand and making up little stories from their head?)
If you come into a marriage expecting toxic ‘gender roles’ fed to you by your ‘church’, don’t insult the institution of marriage or God by getting married. If your relationship is indistinguishable from a Master/Slave relationship, you should probably be signing a slave contract, not a marriage one. If there is no partnership, your relationship isn’t a marriage. It’s called an Ownership.
With that being said, slavery is illegal almost everywhere. (That line feels a bit obvious in 2018, but there you go.) There is no such thing as a ‘legally binding slave contract’. It’s more of a social contract. Any party can just walk out at any time, they don’t even need to give any warning or explanation. (But even a simple explanation/warning before you leave is just good manners so suck it up and communicate) So even with that style of relationship, you still have a massive amount of freedom. But if you suddenly find that you have fewer rights than a slave, call Women’s Refuge yesterday!!!!
I could go more into the M/s thing but I think that’s for another post. Maybe even for another blog. Or maybe for never being posted on the internet…
For those who know someone with the disorder, here are a few things that might help. I don’t know if they will work though:
1. Burn her schedule and write a new one for her
If she is so far gone that she physically can’t plan out her day without double, triple shifting and even double or triple booking herself, to the point she is going multiple days without sleep, she might need someone to write a plan that’s actually logical. She might even need an intervention to cut all the events and ‘appointments’ she doesn’t need to go to.
2. Pick. Up. Some. Shit
If you a grown ass adult with hands and you can physically do it. PICK. UP. SOME. SHIT.
Is she running massivly late and you on your phone? What is she doing? Dishes? How does that get her out the door to where she needs to be?
Dump the phone, pick up a dish, scrub it. It won’t give you cancer.
Also: I know plenty of disabled people who do their own housework. Their mother doesn’t live with them so someone has to do it. There are zero excuses.
4. Be a support
If you know a woman suffering from HWBD and there’s not much else you can do for her household, just being an outside support might be enough. This isn’t new. Humans have been supporting each other’s families for thousands of years, its only recently that the concept of ‘community’ collapsed, dumping vulnerable families to deal with their issues alone.
5. Parent your own damn children
Pick up a kid. Help them with whatever they need to do. Talk to them. Learn their first name. It’s called parenting. Yes, dads can do it too. The next person who refers to a dad just looking after his kids as ‘babysitting’ is going to be slapped by me.
If you don’t, you’re not a dad or even a husband, just a shitty flatmate. What does a flatmate do? They pay rent and contribute to the house, neither of which you are doing anyway.
You might as well just sit down and wait for the divorce papers to arrive.
6. Divorce, offer a slave contract
Bub, your marriage is a lie. Everything I said in the list above.
Honey, you’re not looking for a wife. You’re looking for a slave. Call a spade a spade.
The two of you will probably be happier anyway.
And if she runs at the sight of the contract, she was looking for a husband. Which you aren’t. Start looking for the right thing next time! FFS!
7. Get out
If you’re part of the household affected by HWBD, and it looks like it could end in disaster, you might want to bail before it does.
If you’re the husband, try bailing tempuarily and see what happens. If she’s a completly different person, you have your answer. Your family needs some changes.
But sometimes things can’t be saved and you may need to be out perminantly. Thats ok too. Change needs to happen in some situations.
8. Grow TF up
There I said it. Some of you video game playing F*** Boys need to do this yesterday.
If Left Untreated:
Leaving this condition untreated can create mental illness. It can put the sufferer and even her family in danger. It had even been known to kill.
1. Toxic Learned Helplessness of males
Lol! So many jokes on TV about how useless males are at housework and even parenting!
Yeh…that’s not actually funny, honeybun, for either party.
You know what an embarassing shame to your entire family you are when you have to wait for your husband to come home from work to show you how to turn on the computer and send an email? It’s the same thing.
When a wife dies, her elderly husband suddenly becomes an infant. Suddenly he’s inviting people over to show him how to use the toaster, how to turn on the shower, what to do when his clothes for the day don’t magically appear on his bed. Do you want this to be your husband? Men, do you want this to be you?
2. Bathtub drownings
This has actually happened. There was a case of a massively overworked woman, in a tiny house, with too many kids, doing all the housework. One day her man comes home to find all his kids drowned in the bathtub.
I don’t consider her a murderer. This is one of the final stages of Housewife Braindamadge. Woman snapped.
If you see the signs, but ignore it, take a good look at your kids. It might be the last time you see them. It might be the last time you see your wife because suicide is another final stage of the disorder. Don’t let it get this far. Mental Health is as important as physical health. Failing it can lead to death.
3. Abuse from all sides involved
In some cases, HWBD does come directly from abuse. Yes we know that can happen.
But brain damaged house wives can be abusers too. Sometimes towards their own husbands. And then their own children.
If this happens, it’s time for someone to bail. Toxic relatioships should not be endured or ‘put up with’. The relationship needs some massive changes. And when those changes are made, watch what happens to HWBD.
We do not need those massivly obsolite gender roles anymore. The gender roles in your house should work for you!!
Housewife Brain Damadge can be prevented and cured.
Yes, you can do something about it!
Men have the power to change this.
And yes, women do too, you don’t have to wait until a man finally gets around to handing that power to you because he thought it would ‘look cute on you’.
At this point, I can’t tell if this was originally supposed to be funny or coming from a place of anger. I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore.
I hope you are all enjoying my bitchy posts 🙂
Please let me know in the comments if you want me to do more. Or let me know if you don’t like them, that’s valid too. It’s giving me something to post more than two times a year but I don’t want to do this one thing forever. I will still write updates on what I’m up to.
I’m back to updating every weekend and I actually still have some ideas left. So fingers crossed you will see me next weekend. Hopefully with a more productive post.